Thinking Out Loud: Cultivating Me

January 11, 2018

It's been some time since my last Thinking Out Loud post so I thought I'd take a moment this Thursday to join in the fun with Running With Spoons and ramble on...

It may be almost 2 weeks into 2018 but I have finally caught up on reading New Year's posts from some of my fellow bloggers, inspirations, and may I say it, well, friends. One of them that really caught my eye was Naomi's 'resolution' one, New Year, More Me.  She talks about letting go of those things (i.e. shame, guilt, control) that only hold you back from yourself. Then on Cora's 2017 Recap she shared the words of Maya Angelou: "My wish for you is that you continue. Continue to be who and how you are." Hmmm, I sense a theme here....

Even before reading what these two lovely ladies had to say, I had already been thinking a lot about this 'becoming yourself'; it's as if we are drank the same kool-aid for 2018. Totally on the same page. Another intention (I shared the first about giving presence earlier) of mine for this year and beyond is to cultivate who I authentically am. Out of self-love, I believe I owe it to myself to embrace me, something I have struggled with my whole life.

For me this can mean many things.

It's about discovering new passions and hobbies or focusing on things that fulfil me but I often neglect like photography or playing the piano.

Or in finally getting the shades I've been planning on buying for years now.

Or in simply journalling more intentionally.

This may also be by actually changing habits that I believed made me who I was though in reality were hindering me from just that.

As a slight digression, it's interesting when looking at my intentions (and the mini-goals in between) how almost none of them relate to weight/exercise/food really. Aside from things baking more recipes or doing more yoga, which for me relate more to the mental health aspect of the food and movement respectively, those things were not on my mind at all when I was writing this. And although I know physically I may not be recovered, in other areas this is the most recovered I've felt, which is good to say (err, type).

Despite an overwhelming week (more on that in the near future...) in terms of school, it feels awesome yet completely bizarre to actually be inspired by my intentions. Goals/to-do lists/plans often make me feel the need to control every little thing. However, with this it feels almost natural, less worrisome. As if things will fall into place. As if the me I am working for is around the corner.

I know the concept of finding oneself is a lifelong process and the cultivation will never cease. Call it pointless. Call it selfish. Call it cheesy. But I want to make this year for me.

What does cultivating yourself look like to you?
What has been on your mind lately? 

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  1. I don't know about you, but for me it was such a relieving feeling when I got to the point in recovery where I realized that my major goals weren't food or movement related. Like, of course, I still work on these things, and probably will for a long time, but other aspects of my life take priority. I'm really happy for you that you're feeling like you're able to focus on other aspects of yourself, too!
    Aren't Cora and Naomi the awesomest bloggers? So much wisdom. We're so lucky to have them.

    1. Yes, it's a weird feeling. And we are oh so lucky to have found them! Have a wonderful weekend Joyce. :)

  2. Oh Kaylee.

    I read this before going to sleep last night, and I've got to say, I went to sleep with this slight, upturned smile on my face and the most pleasant feeling of peace. Thank you - you loosened a hard, irritable, anxious edge that's been inside me this week.

    Last year I felt like I found this authenticity. This one we are both starting to discover is out there. Or at least, I found myself a few steps further toward it, so that I could at least smell it. See that it exists, and see that it is what I want to get to. I've realized I will be there, and fall back away from it, and keep having to work to hold onto it. But if that can be our goal? To be truer to ourselves, more authentic in who we are and who we feel GOOD being... if THAT can be our point of focus?... then everything we do to lead ourselves there has got to serve us.

    "However, with this it feels almost natural, less worrisome. As if things will fall into place. As if the me I am working for is around the corner." ------ yes, yes, yes. <3

    1. Glad to have made you end your day with a smile and lessen the anxiety even just a tad. And I'm also glad that line actually made sense to you too and it wasn't just something that made sense in my head.

  3. It has taken me a lot of years to cultivate myself. Honestly, it means just living authentically and true to who I am. In my recovery journey and life in general. I'm working on cultivating my best self, and just being GENTLE and softer with myself this year. I think we have the tendency to expect so much out of ourselves! sending love <3

    1. YES to all of this goodness! Let this be the year of being gentle with ourselves. Sending love right back at ya.