Merry Christmas Eve Eve!!! I apologize for disappearing for the past couple of weeks. I got caught up in the storm that is finals. Then, of course, in an ironic twist of fate, my laptop's mouse stopped working and I had to bring it to be repaired. So here I am, computer-less during Winter Break 2015 when I can actually bum around without feeling guilty for avoiding my "responsibilities." Thankfully, I've been keeping busy. My friend from the Philippines visited me for the weekend so we showed her what Dallasites do--shop, eat, and shop more. I have caught up on Modern Family & Downton Abbey and been channeling my inner grandma (again) by getting back into crocheting. I've also been trying to make a dent in my never-ending list of things to bake. This is quite difficult considering I've saved the majority of the recipes on my computer; here is the first of hopefully more to come!


When I came across this recipe a few weeks ago, I linked it to my mother right away because it was basically made for her. Mocha + prunes + nuts = my mom in a loaf. I veganized (yes, it's a word) it by using coconut oil instead of butter and mixing up a flax egg. I also subbed whole wheat flour just because. It's like a giant amped up brownie. Bask in its nutty, chocolatey gloriousness! **insert angels singing here**

Let's be honest, as much as I say I'll have a post up tomorrow, I probably won't be blogging until after Friday. So have a wonderful holiday y'all, or if you don't celebrate Christmas, have a great couple of days!!! I'm off to make almond butter, double check my gift list, and continue crocheting!

The view from Coit Tower

Chinatown SF -- the oldest one in North America

Chai tea & poppy seed pastry for a lovely start to the day

The red one = GOLDEN GATE!!!

Painted Ladies

Land's End *Spongebob voice* at night

I had an excellent, almost too relaxing Thanksgiving break. I hope yours was swell as well! I am totally loving that I am slowly, finally feeling the holiday vibes despite how much I disapprove of the cold weather. My mind still hasn't fully accepted the fact that the end of the semester is only a couple of weeks away. And that Christmas is this month. Luckily I got around 50% of my gift shopping done. (Yay for Black Friday!)

Here are some links that fuelled my procrastination recently:

1. An Open Letter to the Parents of a Busy College Student -- Awfully grateful for my family at this point in my life and most especially around this time of the year. As I've progressed in college, I have realized how much I need and love my family. This summarizes those thoughts.

2. Pomegranate season is the best and if you think otherwise bake these brownies from With Food & Love ASAP. I made some over the weekend and accidentally added too much salt in the batter (whoops) so I omitted the sea salt on top. Nevertheless, they ended up tasting delicious. Use dark cocoa powder for even more chocolatey goodness.

3. In a late celebration of all things Thanksgiving, here's a little food trivia on sweet potatoes.  Though yams are not actually yams, sweet potatoes are still life.

4. Saw this website of the last messages received from exes, former friends and deceased loved ones.  Makes me really wanna text all my contacts and let them know how much I loved them. I ended up scrolling through literally all of them to the beginning of the Tumblr page. On second thought, maybe you shouldn't click that link...

5. Here I am, in a coffee shop, sipping my mocha and crying like a baby because of this German Christmas ad. Just watch and be prepared to feel all the feels.

***BONUS LINK FOR FINALS WEEK (!!!) because who doesn't love puppies?!?? ONE. LAST. PUSH. Hang in there y'all. It's back to paper writing for me. :(

My sister would completely disapprove if I had called these "burgers." But boy do I love my veggie "burgers." I'm extremely particular about them though; I like seeing bits of the ingredients in them. What can I say? I like my food chunky! Guacamole, soup almond butter. There's nothing better than a tomato soup with whole bits of tomato, herbs, onion and garlic in it!

Again, these brown rice and lentil patties are not the most attractive of foods but I love them for their a) versatility and b) freezability (Yes, that is a word in my books.). Like most of my recipes, this was a (successful!) experiment more than anything else. A mixing of whatever I had on-hand in my fridge so the following list is definitely up to interpretation:

1 cup cooked lentils
1 cup cooked brown rice
1 egg
1 clove of garlic
Some chunk of onion
1 tsp thyme
1/8 tsp cayenne
1/4 tsp cinnamon
Salt & pepper as desired
Oil (olive, sunflower, grapeseed, you name it!) for pan frying

1. Add all ingredients in bowl and blend together. I used an immersion blender but a food processor should work perfectly fine too. Really just depends on the texture you'd like your patties to be AKA if you're an oddball like me and want the heterogeneousness.
2. Coat pan with oil of choice and plop the mixture on. Another great thing about these is that you can make them any size you want!
3. Cook until "golden" brown and toasty on both sides or until you can no longer wait to eat them, whichever comes first.

Luckily, my university gives us the whooooole week of Thanksgiving off so my break (not-so-officially) began yesterday afternoon. I'm visiting a friend in San Francisco for the weekend. It will be my first time there so any suggestions are greatly appreciated. I'll be back on Monday though--ready to share my adventures & to gobble up some turkey!

Questions:


How do you like your food? Team Chunky or Team Smooth? 

What are your weekend plans? 

1. Though I only just entered my second decade, it feels like 30 is around the corner! WHICH IS CRAZY. Someone please tell me how we're less than a month a half away from 2016!!! Can time please oh please slow down. As I ponder my future and all my life choices, I came across this interesting take on what it means to be 30 in different countries. Eye-opening and perspective-putting plus the photography is stunning.

2. At first glance, I thought this article about a dietician's food rules would be another ruse, emphasizing what I "should" eat, good versus bad. But quite honestly, it wasn't what I expected. I don't want to advocate a "right" diet (there is none!) but I think this article perfectly sums up my ultimate health goals.

 I do believe you need cake to balance out the kale, just as much as you need kale to balance out the cake.

3. Have y'all seen any of those Mode 100 Years of Fashion videos? I lovelovelove watching them! If you know what I'm talking about and/or if you are a foodie like I am, here's a fun video for you! That 2015 one is so accurate.

4. Not your typical Thanksgiving pie.... Since my family ordered a pumpkin pie for our holiday meal this year, I won't get to try it out next week but it is definitely going on my never-ending to make list! Mmmmm, just look at that crumble.

5. When The Fat Girl Gets Skinny !!! -- Incredibly powerful look on what's wrong with our society's view of "health." Another video... Maybe I need to call this Must-Watches of the Week instead. After I saw this, I swear I spent a good hour or two just watching other spoken word poems. If you know of any good ones, please send them my way! Caution: This video and article may be triggering.

Happy Monday! This day has surprisingly been exhausting for (only) the first day of the week. My mid-afternoon coffee buzz is definitely wearing off. Thankfully, the next couple of weeks are completely chill school-wise. Thanksgiving break is so near I can taste the roasted brussel sprouts,  punkin' pie, and gravy in the air. 




Gonna keep this post short & sweet. Here are some links from around the Interweb that caught my eye in the past week. Hope they inspire you as much as they did me! Peace out, bean sprouts. 

1. For When You're Feeling Tired of Everything - ***NOTE TO SELF

2. Socca Flatbread via Well & Full - Bought garbanzo flour at Central Market today specifically to make this at some point during the week. Will let y'all know how it goes! 

3. The Antidote for Perfectionism - Recovery has forced me to confront my desire to be perfect head-on. I think I've had this illusion that mindfulness will make all the pieces of life fall into place, that I will magically become better once I "master" it. But, as this article points outs, mindfulness is actually the whole-hearted acceptance of the imperfect. 

4. This list of ALL Disney's upcoming movies!!! - FINDING DORY, THE GOOD DINOSAUR, MOANA, ETC ETC. After serendipitously watching Mulan last night on ABC Family, I remembered coming across this awesomeness on Facebook. I am more excited than a 20-year-old student probably should be, especially considering that by 2018, I'll be out of college and dealing with the "real world." Oh wellz. Let future Kaylee deal with that.

5. "This Woman Had The Perfect Response To People Body-Shaming An 8-Year-Old Girl" via Buzzfeed - LOVE THIS. 

Take her outside. Plant a garden. Play in the snow. Play tag. Get a slip and slide and swing set and a hoolah hoop. Buy her a purple bike with bright yellow streamers. Teach her to play an instrument and dance like a crazy person. Buy her art supplies and show her all of the bodies that artists have celebrated throughout history. Feed her good stuff, but have conversations with her while she eats it. Say things that aren’t about food. Read great books. Teach her to sew or sing or make balloon animals. Go back outside. Tell her she is beautiful, but say it half as much as you say that she is kind and generous and hysterically funny and at the top of your list of favorite people. Talk about anything but bodies. Turn off the fucking TV. Jump in the pool and don’t talk about how big your splash is or how your thighs look in your swimsuit." 

This Sunday began as the past few days here in Dallas have, aka with gray and dreary skies. As hard as I try to fight it, the weather and temperature drastically influence my mood. Despite falling back and gaining an hour of sleep, I was strangely exhausted and just felt blah when I woke up this morning.


This weather practically screams cozy, oatmeal-y muffins for so I got up and baked spelt, oatmeal & pear ones after intense Google recipe searching. I ate a couple for breakfast along with a handful of walnuts. I exchanged the oil for applesauce and whole wheat for spelt flour. Yay for satisfied cravings!!!


In between some almost emotional breakdowns over the weekend, I've been thinking a lot about my recovery. My ED thoughts are primarily motivated by my perfectionism (which if you had asked me a year ago I would have denied completely so there's progress). I wanted this unrealistic and pseudo me. I felt pressured to do and be everything. I needed to fulfill the expectations of someone who had her shit together: maintaining my straight A's, exercising every single day, having (an illusion of) a social life, being constantly happy. When I didn't meet said expectations, I would let it affect me mentally, putting me in a cycle of expectations and disappointment. Definitely not good for my already low self-esteem.

Right now, I fear becoming lazy because of recovery. As I let go of these expectations, I am beginning to feel a little lost and unmotivated without them. What if my determination and perseverance were just consequences of my perfectionism? How do I healthily push myself to do things? I guess the answer is it's entirely okay to be lazy once and a while. Our minds, bodies and souls need breaks.

I didn't do much today but that doesn't mean I didn't accomplish anything. There is something to say about  Today I realized...

• I am learning to accept that lying in bed all day is not the end of the world.
• I am getting better at listening to what I want rather than what I tell myself I should want.
• I am living in and for the now more.

Happy November y'all

I recently attended The Body Project at my school, a group fighting against the "thin ideal" society and media has created in women. We were asked to write a letter to a younger girl discussing the costs of pursuing this perfect woman. I wanted to share what I came up with as a reminder to both myself and whoever needs a little pick-me-up. If you ever get a chance to do something like this, I would definitely recommend it.

To a younger girl,

 When you look in the mirror, what do you see? Though I can't guess your hair color or face shape, I am pretty certain of what you don't see. Your smile, warm heart, engaging laugh, shining personality. You don't see every single molecule in  your body that makes you you.

 Contrary to poplar belief, what you see in the mirror isn't actually of a reflection of you. More often than not, you're half blind & acting delusional. You end up seeing everything you're not rather than what you truly are. You begin to strive for something that just isn't possible and it hurts you more than you can imagine.  

 It'll take a toll on you--no just physically but mentally & emotionally too. You'll lose yourself in a world of "perfect people." You may believe pursuing this ideal person will make you more attractive, more like-able. But truth be told, you'll distance yourself from those you love. You'll become bitter & unthankful for what you've been blessed with. Chasing after the thin ideal will shrink your heart.

 Try as you might but you'll never be happy until you learn to love yourself the way you are. Flaws & all. The whole concept of the (thin) ideal woman is to make you hate yourself. It will not empower you. It is an infinite chase that will wear out your self esteem, weaken your confidence & potentially evolve into self-harm on a physical level. There are detrimental health costs.

 Before you take on another fad diet tried, consider getting that boob job, push your limits by exercising for another hour or compare yourself to yet another model in a magazine, ask yourself if that supposed benefits outweigh the risks. Is "image" really worth the psychological stress? Is it worth the tangible costs?  Is it worth it to loser yourself for something that cannot exist?

So now I ask you again: When you look in the mirror what do you see?  

Always Love, Kaylee  

This is definitely an attempt to extend summer for as long as possible though the chilly mornings may disagree with me. :( On the plus side, I now have a whole stack of these waiting for me in the freezer! Fall I'm ready for ya!  

When looking for a recipe, I wanted one that could be made days in advance and popped into the oven.  A lot harder than it sounds. Then I came across this recipe from Two Peas and Their Pod I followed it almost 100% except I used approx. 2/3 of the olive oil called for before baking then saved the rest for dipping/drizzling later on. I incorporated fresh basil, rosemary and parsley into the oil. Any herbs would be seriously delicious though. And literally bathe the dough in the herby olive oil blend. Also, massage and dimple your bread thoroughly! (Sigh. What I would do for a massage right now?)

This past week I've been feeling stuck in my recovery. Stagnant, a little listless. Honestly, I am just really frustrated mostly with myself. I feel for every step I'm taking, I am going two steps backwards instead. It's like I am digging for treasure and I know that X marks the spot and I know exactly where the X--I can see it even--but have no clue how to get to that point. I'm struggling to be patient with this process. I let my small failures discourage me. Steps are still steps. Paths will veer. Sometimes you have to turn around and search for a clearer route.



My impatience was also tested when I made this breakfast-for-dinner, savory bread pudding. Side note: I want to call this a strata but after Googling, I stand corrected; apparently, stratas are composed of layers rather than cubes of bread. After opening & closing the oven multiple times over the span of 30 minutes, I couldn't wait any longer to devour this fake strata.


Not the prettiest of meals but it's the perfect way to use up aging bread instead of being neck-high in sandwiches. No recipe here! The general framework was a 4:1 egg-milk ratio plus 2-3 slices of bread. But feel free to alter the ratios depending on how soggy you want it. From there the possibilities are limitless! First, mix together the egg and milk and add seasonings to taste. Combine the fix-ins in an oven safe container and pour the liquids over, making sure every inch of the bread has soaked up some of the egg & milk combo. Let it bake at 375 degrees and try try try to wait until the top looks a little browner. For this one, I had roasted carrots and cherry tomatoes sitting in the fridge. I also threw in some blue cheese crumbles because cheese can solve all of my problems.
Hopefully this long weekend will put in me in a better mindset moving forward. Have a lovely Labor Day ♡