Week in Review: Nourishing Oneself

April 17, 2017


Well, as we're being completely honest on here, this entire week sucked. I guess it should have been a sign on Wednesday when I had a terrible allergic reaction possibly to something I ate. Long story short, life was out of my control and it annoyed me. I went to the health clinic on campus where they gave me medicine and a shot, later in the day went to see an allergist, and finally got blood drawn for testing. We'll see in a couple of weeks if they can pinpoint what I should be staying away from. Until then, it's more allergy meds for me + now carrying an Epipen. Woo. Did I mention I hate needles?



Then starting on Thursday, I felt irritable, anxious, depressed,  hopeless, alone, shameful, empty, numb, exhausted--you name the terrible feeling and I felt it--for no apparent reason. Or I guess it was a culmination of everything. Every little detail. All at once. I would expound but I am just so tired of thinking about everything and can't fully describe what I actually am feeling. I am just tired of being who I am and it frustrates me that I cannot for the life of me accept myself for just that. I have so many great things going on in my life but can't be grateful and happy for all of my blessings. This just fuels my self-hatred further. I honestly think I am going crazy sometimes. My head won't stop. I am on the verge of tears at every moment. Yet, I am tired of crying. Tired of trying. What's the point of it all anyway?

On that note, I thought for this Week in Review it might help to talk about some of the ways I nourished myself in every aspect--mind, body and soul--over the week though at the moment it is hard for me to see them as accomplishments because they haven't helped me feel any better. BTW, thanks for reading/listening even in my worst moments.

Mind:
  • Listened to the Food Psych podcast episode featuring Immaeatthat, which was even better than it sounds
  • Watched the documentary of the Enron scandal as a way to at least feign productivity for one of my classes
  • Interviewed for a potential summer gig baking at a pie company
  • Skipped my 2nd class in my almost 4 years of college after Wednesday's allergy adventure
  • Went for a couple of walks to take my mind of of things
  • Finished reading another book that came at exactly the right time
Don't ignore your body just because your mind is scared. Your mind is a tool that can bring your body peace.  - Hannah Hart

Body:

  • Honoring my cravings and getting that berry, chia & spinach smoothie
  • Attended a (free!) pilates class where we were also given (free!) tamales
  • Bought a new moisturizer from Trader Joe's to try out. Also applied lotion one night. Note to self to do this more often.

  • Treated myself to a chicken sandwich that I had a 50% off coupon. Despite eating in the car while in traffic, I felt it was a pretty mindful meal
  • Celebrated National Grilled Cheese Day with a kale, cheddar and roasted garlic sammie. 



Soul:
  • Getting my cultural fulfilment by going to see Cynthia D'Aprix Sweeney, author of The Nest, speak at the Dallas Museum of Art

  • Started This is Us
  • Studied with other people rather than isolate myself even if this meant being less productive than I would have been alone
  • Cried all my feelings out on Friday night...and Saturday night...and basically all weekend long...
  • Reached out to a friend who apparently knew that I was feeling off before I even told her (s/o to ya!) 
  • Remembering to just breathe when things get tough

Questions:
What are you allergic to?
How are you finding ways to nourish your mind, body and soul?


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6 comments

  1. Oh Kaylee. I'm so sorry. These feelings are so, so hard. Especially when you feel like you don't know why you are feeling them, or you don't even know what you are feeling and everything feels out of control... AND then ontop of that you feel self hate for being "this way." I get it. I know that's hard to believe but I really think I do. My feelings have been so all over the place in this last month and the worst part is the feeling of wishing I was another way. And yes, sometimes we can do all these self care things and they don't make us feel better. But they will. They may just need more time to sink in. We have to just keep writing, resting, talking and forcing ourselves out with others and eventually things will soften. I see a therapist today for the first time in years to start getting more help figuring out all my "insane" emotions. Love to you girl. Keep taking care, even when it feels like complete poo.

    I sure hope you get some answers about the allergy.

    Also free tamales with free pilates!? That's probably the best deal I could think of.

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    1. I cannot thank you enough for this. Thank you for letting me know that I am not alone in feeling like this. I will keep trying to remember especially during these low points of hopelessness.
      Will keep you posted on the allergy findings.

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  2. I’m so sorry you had a rough week, Kaylee. I hope you begin to have an upturn VERY soon. You sure do deserve it. Sending you love and healing thoughts!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for your love and kindness. I sure do appreciate your contagious spirit. ☀️

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  3. I'm sorry your week was such a rough one, and I hope you're feeling better. I know that smoothie, the grilled cheese sandwich and free tamales had to help. I think it was smart to surround yourself with others during this time.

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    1. Thank you Meghan. ❤️ I thought it would help more than it did but it made me realize how thankful I am for my family.

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