Thinking Out Loud: Ease of Recovery...Good or Bad?

March 24, 2016

 Over the past months, I've enjoyed reading others' posts so I decided to partake in Thinking Out Loud today too. Thank you Amanda for these Thursdays! This may not be a super exciting, fun topic to ramble about but I've been thinking a lot lately about my struggles in recovery, or actually the lack thereof, and what it means. Honestly, I just want your thoughts/advice/words of wisdom/musings.

I've been feeling strangely good about my recovery. I have overcome many of my previous fear foods, allowed myself to nibble when I'm hungry though I know a bigger meal is next, managed to shush my inner comparison critic and eat for myself with others present. I haven't been struggling as much as I was, which may seem like a positive thing.

But I wonder if this a sign of recovery or a sign of backsliding? Am I not challenging myself enough? Am I unknowingly lying to myself? My counselor encouraged me to trust myself--trust that maybe I am recovering. I guess I'm scared of accepting that because I don't know what recovery feels like exactly. Because I don't know what it means to have a healthy relationship with food anymore. Because I don't know where to go next.

P.S. These past few days have been nonstop. I'm exhausted; hence the quick post. It's also almost my bed time (aka midnight) so I hope what I'm saying makes sense! But hey, I guess the mind doesn't make sense half the time, yeah?

How do you cope with doubt? 
Any other thoughts? 

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  1. I think the best way to cope with doubt is to turn to Jesus and lay all your cares on Him. He's in control, and He knows so much more about me than I even do, and He holds my life in His hands. That is hard, because I tend to be an overly controlling person, and I'm thankful that God will complete the good work in me, because I know I can't do it by myself. Keep it up!

    1. As I've said before, I really admire your trust in God. I hope to one day develop a relationship like that with a higher power and be able to come to peace with letting go. Happy Easter weekend!

  2. I remember having SO many doubts throughout my recovery, so you're definitely not alone on that front. I think it really helps to have some sort of objective measure of recovery -- so something like blind weigh-ins to make sure you're staying on track, for example. Recovery is different for everyone and -feels- different to anyone, so learning to trust yourself again is definitely a big part of it since you're really the only one who knows your mind and how your thoughts are regarding food. BUT! it takes time and patience and kindness. Recovery is a long and windy road, but it's most definitely possible.

    1. Thank you for the words of encouragement, Amanda!