Pear Muffins + Overcast Realizations

November 01, 2015

This Sunday began as the past few days here in Dallas have, aka with gray and dreary skies. As hard as I try to fight it, the weather and temperature drastically influence my mood. Despite falling back and gaining an hour of sleep, I was strangely exhausted and just felt blah when I woke up this morning.

This weather practically screams cozy, oatmeal-y muffins for so I got up and baked spelt, oatmeal & pear ones after intense Google recipe searching. I ate a couple for breakfast along with a handful of walnuts. I exchanged the oil for applesauce and whole wheat for spelt flour. Yay for satisfied cravings!!!

In between some almost emotional breakdowns over the weekend, I've been thinking a lot about my recovery. My ED thoughts are primarily motivated by my perfectionism (which if you had asked me a year ago I would have denied completely so there's progress). I wanted this unrealistic and pseudo me. I felt pressured to do and be everything. I needed to fulfill the expectations of someone who had her shit together: maintaining my straight A's, exercising every single day, having (an illusion of) a social life, being constantly happy. When I didn't meet said expectations, I would let it affect me mentally, putting me in a cycle of expectations and disappointment. Definitely not good for my already low self-esteem.

Right now, I fear becoming lazy because of recovery. As I let go of these expectations, I am beginning to feel a little lost and unmotivated without them. What if my determination and perseverance were just consequences of my perfectionism? How do I healthily push myself to do things? I guess the answer is it's entirely okay to be lazy once and a while. Our minds, bodies and souls need breaks.

I didn't do much today but that doesn't mean I didn't accomplish anything. There is something to say about  Today I realized...

  • I am learning to accept that lying in bed all day is not the end of the world.
  • I am getting better at listening to what I want rather than what I tell myself I should want.
  • I am living in and for the now more.
Happy November y'all

1. What are your rainy day breakfast cravings?
2. When was the last time you gave yourself time off? 
3. How was your Halloween weekend? 

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  1. Hi Kaylee, I miss you!

    1. Yogurt with granola or Pancake House french toast <3
    2. Well i should be studying right now... Bahaha. Also looking forward to APEC long weekend aka birthday week aka time to not worry about school YAY
    3. I spent the weekend eating/sleeping/watching horror movies with my cousins SARAP

    1. Hiya Sofz! AWW I miss you too. Please oh please send me Pancake House's daing & garlic rice. Belated happy birthday, btw!! ily <3