An Apple "Birthday" Cake

October 28, 2015

Over the weekend, my cousin came into town from Austin. Friday night, I was in a baking mood but we had no clue what to make. After a trip to Whole Foods, primarily to take advantage of the 25-cent oatmeal, my cousin and I were persuaded by the honey crisp apples on sale. That made up our minds and baked Smitten Kitchen's Mom's Apple Cake. As usual, I made a couple of adjustments to the recipe--coconut oil, brown sugar, and some whole wheat flour.
Coincidently and quite aptly, today is my mom's (and her twin sister's!) birthday. The past month has been difficult for my family. Simply put, my mom was diagnosed with cancer.

With all that's been going on with my mom's life, I've been trying to use her disease as motivation for my own recovery. We are going to get better together & we will both get through this. Eating disorders are by no means something to minimize; however, they aren't the end of the world either. My mom's diagnosis as well as hearing other recovery stories has put my struggles in perspective. Ultimately, there is more to life, the good and the bad, than ED.
Early on in recovery, I struggled with wanting to get better for me versus trying to please other's once again and get better for them (my family, my treatment team, my friends). Now I see that wanting to recovery for those who love you is not necessarily a bad thing. Yes, I have to let go of others' opinions of me but I almost owe it to these people to take care of myself. In turn, I am learning to love myself and recover for me.
In honor of today, I am dedicating this post to my mother who has inspired me more than she gives herself credit for and more than she is likely aware of. Despite being just about 6 months into recovery, I wouldn't have progressed without her. She's been my support system in this process. She's the strongest--physically, mentally and emotionally--woman I know. She loved me before the ED, during my recovery and without a doubt she will love me after I--we--overcome this.

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