Continued to dogsit this little pupper for my aunt while she was out of town.

Attended a restorative yoga session on Labor Day despite the pouring rain that has unexpectedly been hitting Dallas throughout the entire week.

Posted August's Eats and Monthly Reads!

Volunteered at the animal shelter again luckily one of the days when the sun was shining.

Had a pretty productive Thursday -- got my car oil changed, attended a pilates class, sold some books to a used bookstore, picked up a few groceries...
Including a box of black figs to make this cake with goat cheese frosting. If you get a chance and get your hands on some figs before the season ends, definitely make it or at least the frosting; I'm addicted to it.

Crossing some things off for my new apartment. About time to since I'm moving in this week!!! Ahhhh!


Had an amazing triple date game night where the girl team beat the guys by a long shot.

Questions:
What did you do for yourself last week?
Have you ever tried fresh figs? They're one of my all-time favorite fruits!
What's your favorite board game? 

On when perfectionism goes wrong 

Has convenience destroyed the world we live in?

"Today’s cult of convenience fails to acknowledge that difficulty is a constitutive feature of human experience. Convenience is all destination and no journey." 

Non-appearance related things to compliment someone on c/o Rachel Hartley

How to fall in love with food and simultaneously yourself. Plus, the additional chocolate truffle recipe at the end looks delish!! 

Self-care-y stuff: 

• Another post one what self-care is and is not
• Cheap self-care tips for college students
• How eating alone can be good for self-care

Have you been to Boston? Love to hear any recommendations of stuff to do, eat and see! 
How do you embrace the inconvenient? 
If you currently have a S.O., how did y'all meet? These stories are the best!! 

Happy Hump Day / V-day!!!

Popping in this morning to bring you a semi-recipe post as it's been a long time since I shared one and also to remind you of something v, v important!

Though during 'normal' days I tend to take the time to make myself a nourishing breakfast, every year on Valentine's Day I try to be even more intentional about doing so. For me, this typically means pancakes! It may also be because a) yesterday was pancake day and you may know I really really really really love my food holidays b) I have this appropo silicone heart-shaped pancake mold, a reminder from my childhood that my mom gave to me when I started college. Weekend mornings growing up, waking up to the smell of chocolate chip pancakes in the shape of flowers and hearts. For some reason the shapes make such a difference despite being the exact same batter. I think it's the care and thoughtfulness put into merely using it that creates intention. 

and more for the freezer!!

Whether you are single AF (🙋🏻‍♀️ ) or have an S.O. or it's complicated, remember to be your own Valentine first. And not just today on this contrived holiday but all days of the year. 



I also just saw this on my Instagram feed and just had to share because it was pretty magical:

For the pancakes themselves, I adapted this recipe from Cookie and Kate -- using APF + Kodiak cake mix for extra protein, honey and soy milk -- filled it with frozen blueberries and fresh strawberries, then topped all off with leftover cashew cream I had from this Well & Full apple cake. They are so ridiculously light and fluffy!!!

If you want more pancakes, check out these older posts on the blog:
Cottage Cheese Pancakes
Lemon Ricotta Pancakes

Questions:
What are you doing for yourself today?
The deciding battle: Pancakes or waffles? 

since there was no snow this time around, here's a photo from another crazy winter we had in 2013

I was walking home from campus yesterday thinking about how terribly cold I was and how I absolutely do not know how to dress for the bitter cold, below freezing weather that came upon Texas this past week. Then I was thinking more about the weather, how annoyingly capricious it can be (it's supposed to be in the 60s this weekend 😒 ). And also about how I can't control the fact that it feels like 4 degrees outside; I just have to adapt, prepare and make the best of what life gives me. Then this got me thinking (linking up with Running With Spoons for this one!) even more how we try to control other things in our life that aren't really controllable either. But for some reason I get so frustrated with myself when those other things go awry even if it's not in my power. Crazy how the mind jumps all over the place in this way.




I wasn't originally going to post something about this today but I read Robyn's post on skin care from earlier today where she wrote...

source

It may be almost 2 weeks into 2018 but I have finally caught up on reading New Year's posts from some of my fellow bloggers, inspirations, and may I say it, well, friends. One of them that really caught my eye was Naomi's 'resolution' one, New Year, More Me.  She talks about letting go of those things (i.e. shame, guilt, control) that only hold you back from yourself. Then on Cora's 2017 Recap she shared the words of Maya Angelou: "My wish for you is that you continue. Continue to be who and how you are." Hmmm, I sense a theme here....

Even before reading what these two lovely ladies had to say, I had already been thinking a lot about this 'becoming yourself'; it's as if we are drank the same kool-aid for 2018. Totally on the same page. Another intention (I shared the first about giving presence earlier) of mine for this year and beyond is to cultivate who I authentically am. Out of self-love, I believe I owe it to myself to embrace me, something I have struggled with my whole life.
For me this can mean many things.

It's about discovering new passions and hobbies or focusing on things that fulfil me but I often neglect like photography or playing the piano.

Or in finally getting the shades I've been planning on buying for years now.

Or in simply journalling more intentionally.

This may also be by actually changing habits that I believed made me who I was though in reality were hindering me from just that.
As a slight digression, it's interesting when looking at my intentions (and the mini-goals in between) how almost none of them relate to weight/exercise/food really. Aside from things baking more recipes or doing more yoga, which for me relate more to the mental health aspect of the food and movement respectively, those things were not on my mind at all when I was writing this. And although I know physically I may not be recovered, in other areas this is the most recovered I've felt, which is good to say (err, type).


Despite an overwhelming week (more on that in the near future...) in terms of school, it feels awesome yet completely bizarre to actually be inspired by my intentions. Goals/to-do lists/plans often make me feel the need to control every little thing. However, with this it feels almost natural, less worrisome. As if things will fall into place. As if the me I am working for is around the corner.

I know the concept of finding oneself is a lifelong process and the cultivation will never cease. Call it pointless. Call it selfish. Call it cheesy. But I want to make this year for me.

Questions:
What does cultivating yourself look like to you?
What has been on your mind lately? 

Good morning friends!! And happy Hump Day. I'm counting down the hours before I get to hop on a plane for my weekend trip to New York (approximately 33.5 by the way). Given how often I really should rename this, reads of the month instead. Also, I know I've been a tad quiet on the blog-verse lately but hopefully all these can tide you over until I get return. So in this case, wishing you a happy weekend as well.

A couple of Rachel's recent-ish posts-- How Not to Self-Care and The Privilege of Wellness. How grateful I am to have the problems I do because life could be much worse. Not to say that my problems aren't valid, but perspective is all.

On a semi-related note of self-care, love these boring self-care wins.



Has the Smartphone Destroyed a Generation? Fair warning, it's a lengthy one, but definitely a must-read.

"you’ve got to be a minimalist to be a maximalist; if you want to be really good, master and thoroughly enjoy one thing, you’ve got to say no to many others."

A quick and easy lesson for catching and counteracting your negative thoughts. Very DBT-esque.

In short, control is not the cure for your anxiety. Sometimes specifically around food to retain control, to regain control  is to let go of it.

Don't forget to celebrate the miracle that is your body. There's more to it than just your physical exterior.

What our Google search questions are really saying about us

Megan of Apron Strings and Sticky Fingers on learning to embrace your biggest insecurities. 

A little reminder for myself even if i'm not a physically affectionate person (hello quality time love language!) on the power of a hug. 

I can get lost in this visual representation of food seasonality, trend and search patterns for days.

Because we know what time of year it is..

From my favorite writer on Thought Catalog, another goodie on self-deprecating habits we're all too familiar with. 

As someone who has never really identified as being maternal, since even when playing pretend as a kid myself I never played the mom (I was the cool, childless aunt), this article on choosing to have a life without kids spoke to me.

Love the analogy that Kylie makes on eating and breathing in regard to supposed willpower around food. To continue, similarly to learning to cultivate awareness of your breath--not control or discipline--, through intuitive eating, we can cultivate awareness around food and eating, so much so that it will become second nature to us.

And lastly, what does the American dream mean to you?

Questions:
What boring self-care habit did you do today? 
Do you think balance is overrated? 
What food are your looking forward to as the fall season rolls around? I personally can't wait for pomegranates & persimmons!!! 

Hi there,

First of all, sharing what I came across on campus for National Suicide Prevention Week because you can never hear this one too much:

My week felt very forced and uninspired, not necessarily stressful but dragging, lacking purpose, an end in sight. I was going back and forth on writing this week's Week in Review because I felt I didn't have anything new to write. For me, this speaks to overall stagnation in my life at the moment. I mean, if nothing new is happening around me, what does that say about me? I don't feel like I'm growing, like I'm not going anywhere in my life. And I don't like it.


But upon contemplating this further, I guess this is exactly when I need to be listing these accomplishments the most. So this is me attempting to embrace the banal in my week and accept where I am in my life right now.

• Did laundry, ran the dishwasher, cooked and cleaned
• Somewhere in there, I made more cookies for another potluck
• Volunteered at the community garden on Saturday then the animal shelter on Sunday
• Cried and cried and cried at my therapist, dietician and dietician appointments respectively

• Went over to a local park about a 10ish minute walk from my apartment with packed snack and kombucha (...which then spilled all over my newly washed lunch box but managed to salvage and enjoy what was left in the container) 
• Finished The Group, this month's book for book club, while soaking up the sunshine at said park. Also managed to fit in some swinging at the playground. Aaahhh, take me back to childhood please 
• Roasted the rainbow aka all the veggies ever (sweet potatoes, brussels, green beans and okra to be exact)

I've never met a roasted veggie I didn't like

• Finish another page of my adult coloring book. Yay for more childlike self-care.! 
• Reached out and invited friends to watch The Baby Driver. Funny movie but too much cars, guns and blood for this girl. 

• Enjoyed some Indian food with my aunt after a bike ride together around the neighborhood pond 
• Began watching the last season of Orphan Black. It never ceases to amaze me the talent of Tatiana Maslany (on a side note, does anyone else watch this show because I need to talk to someone about what's going on!!!!) 
• Attended the book club meeting and ate some Thai food with my former coworkers last night
• Had a coupon for a free smoothie so free smoothie in the 90 degree Texas Fall weather it is. I chose the pumpkin spiced protein one, which is my way of jumping on the pumpkin bandwagon (Who needs PSLs?!) though if you ask me it's still too early for the pumpkin craze  

Happy Friday friends!! I am headed to Austin for a weekend trip and thought I'd leave y'all with some reading to do over the next few days.

As much as I am incredibly grateful for the powers of the internet, this New Yorker article perfectly describes the nostalgia I have for a time pre-Internet, or more specifically pre-smartphones with Internet capabilities. The ability to create our own fun and be truly connected through disconnection, to not be distracted.

There's been a lot of controversy around To The Bone, the Netflix original that was released just today. Here are some things to know prior to watching. Also, slightly comforted to know that the cast and crew released a video on truths of eating disorders. hoping they play it before the movie I am likely going to watch the movie as I don't really find those types of things to be particularly triggering for me but please be . You know what is healthiest for your recovery.

Coming from someone who struggles to make meaningful, lasting friendships Robyn's advice was on point. 

I am sooo victim to digital amnesia, relying on my phone for basically everything. More aptly put:  

our ability to remember details of our day-to-day lives are declining as we grow more dependent on technology.

Really want to try these Headspace tips and tricks out, which is also in line with combatting those frustrations I shared a couple of weeks back. One way I feel I can easily work on this is by not using Google Maps and becoming better with directions and trusting my instincts. 

On unlearning and relearning what it means to be healthy

Oh my golly good gosh. After reading these cleaning tips, I realized how much I really need to clean more. On the plus side, I learned I've been over-washing my jeans so yay for potentially less laundry.  

Something that has been racking my brain recently is the blurry spectrum of self-care and how it relates to discipline. I have been planning this post for weeks now to join in thinking aloud. Problem is the intense struggle of actually getting my thoughts into words. Writer's block indeed. Rather than procrastinate for yet another week, I decided to let those thoughts and feelings flow, hopefully not too incoherently, and just write that SFD.


The world of self-care is very confusing. The real question that has been nagging at me that started this whole thing was: Is there such a thing as too much self-care? I feel I use self-care as a way to excuse myself from doing the "hard things," from doing things I don't necessarily want to do (homework, clean my room), and sometimes even things I do truly want to do (take more pictures, play the piano), the latter are things that could be considered self-care too.

With my busy schedule this summer, I find myself getting home at the end of the day exhausted in all aspects. I just want to curl in bed and watch mindless TV. Not that TV as self-care is a bad thing; it might be exactly what I need in that moment but not the self-care that I know I ultimately need or want to partake in. And maybe it's the "should" monster in me speaking but there has to be truth in this compulsion.

Also slightly on that note, since recovery, I feel my discipline declining. In the peak of my eating disorder, I was exercising 5-6 times a week. I would get up for a run or would force myself to go the gym. It was obviously not the healthiest thing (hello ED!) for me at the time nor do I want to go back to that mindset. But when I look back and reflect on that time, my drive was stellar. I amazingly somehow had energy to accomplish that, classes, a part-time job and not feel as drained as I do now. I don't remember finding myself scrolling through my Facebook feed every 10 minutes (seriously the number of times I visited Facebook when writing this most is unreal) or checking how many people viewed my Snaps or refreshing my email, waiting for an update somewhere, anywhere. I don't know what I am waiting for.

There were times I did not even take my phone with me to the gym. Although the exercise addiction and eating disorder took over my life, I miss the freedom of not being addicted to my phone. This is probably the biggest thing that is getting to me. What's even more frustrating is know that it isn't the healthiest thing for my mental space. It's too easy to get lost in the comparison spiral, the "ideal." Though sadly, I think part my brain wants to let it slide as "self-care," that I should basically allow myself to do it because I need to appease that slight anxiety of not checking it. Rather than have the control to step away from my phone, I give in to the urges and bring it out.

In the past 2 years, I may not necessarily have gotten lazier but I find I am missing that spark within me. I am missing a sense of motivation. A drive to get myself out of bed and not check Instagram first thing in the morning. A drive to choose to clear the clutter from my desk rather than watch a bajillion movie trailers on YouTube.

I take more Buzzfeed quizzes on a daily basis that tell me what kind of cake I am or how many kids I'll have than I would like admit. Is is wrong to call that self-care? Am I merely using it as avoidance, distraction, from the self-care that I truly need but can be more taxing? Is self-care something that does not have to be forced? If it's exhausting in the short-term but potentially fulfilling in the long run, is it still self-care? Can self-care make you unhappy, for example when journaling and sitting with uncomfortable feelings? Where is the discipline to stop me from opening Buzzfeed in the first place? Should self-care come with discipline? If yes, how do incorporate it without self-caret becoming a chore that we don't look forward to?

More than anything, I would love to hear your thoughts around self-care or discipline, particularly when it comes to social media and the internet and being glued to our phones. Thank you for allowing me to rattle on with little sense.

Hihi! I decided to take last week off from WIR. Honestly, with its ritualistic, habitual nature, it started to feel like a chore--another thing on to check off the to-do list--at no fault of Meghan's whatsoever! I was compelled to write something for the sake of "linking up." I was trying to plan my weeks around my accomplishments, doing things because I could list them as accomplishments on here rather than doing these things for my own mental health. And isn't the point of this to be a review, a look back, and not another item to worry about for the future? So, there.


In any case, while on my mini-break, classes resumed for the summer session. With classes only twice a week (+ one online), it isn't as bad as I was expecting. But for some reason, I have been physically and mentally and socially and emotionally and spiritually spent. I remembered this quote that perfectly describes my feelings at the moment because I met an incoming HS senior born in 2000, which makes me feel incredibly old, and because it's already June, meaning we're halfway through the year, and because my graduation from college was exactly one month ago:

The days are long but the years are short. 

Breakfast toped with a pitaya macaroom, granola,

Monday

• Started my day how all weeks should begin: Daily crossword puzzling and noshing on Siggi's yogurt. 
• Survived the sudden downpouring of rain on the way to my first and only class of the day. I brought an umbrella thinking it would scare off the rain as with my luck that's what usual occurs but nooo. 
• Bought my plane ticket for Las Vegas!! I'll be going there in the end of July for an honor society conference. #lit Not sure how much free time I'll have but please send me suggestions on what to do/eat/see! 

Tuesday

• Worked the afternoon shift (noon-close) at the bakery
• Made my version of these carrot-y sauce noodles for dinner 
• Watched Wonder Woman with coworkers. Hmm, like with any superhero film, there were cheesy parts. But all in all it was a good film, nothing crazy spectacular in my opinion other than the fact it's the first major superhero movie both with a female lead and female directress. 
• At said movie ordered a HUGE strawberry balsamic milkshake, something I don't (or at least haven't in some time) normally order. 

Wednesday

• This extra long Hump Day started with an check-up with the endocrinologist. Was there longer than expected because they wanted to do a few more tests since my blood pressure was super low...though I felt completely fine... 
• Had another surprise blood test. I swear, I've had more of these in the past year than I have had in the 10 years before that. On the bright side, getting better at dealing with needles! 
• Started back up at an outpatient treatment center for recovery much to my dismay but that's another story for future Kaylee to rant about...
• These are my long days school-wise. I had class from 3:00-5:15 then again from 6:00-10:00. How does a grandma like me stay awake in a night class you ask? Hmmm, I have no clue but I did! 

Thursday

• Went out to brunch and enjoyed lovely conversation with a friend. I got the chicken pesto power bowl. Kale (Kayl? 😁) Yeah!! 
• Worked again but this time was my first shift closing by myself, the only cashier. 

Colorful meal of Singaporean curry noodles w/ shrimp + added some basil & red cabbage

Friday

• Aaaaaand IOP once more. I feel this time around I am struggling a lot more with being vulnerable and opening up to people. Every time I'm there I am on the verge of tears. I am going to burst if I say just one word. 
• The beautiful weather called for an early evening bike ride with my aunt. I am still off of exercise but allowed myself to be more mindful with my movement, noticing times when I could have pushed myself but didn't. 
• Afterwards, we grabbed Asian food for dinner. On the way back from there, a popsicle place I had been to was having its soft opening for a new location right by my university, which meant popsicles for dessert! I chose the fruity prickly pear lemonade while my aunt got avocado & coconut. Usually I wait a few hours before having dessert and this was totally not what I had planned to eat so yay for flexibility! 

Happy Sunday friends! Dropping in to share some of my recently discovered posts from around the interweb though a couple of days after I had intended to. Oops!! Better late than never, yeah? I've either a) come home too tired to think about writing and resort to watching Great British Bake-Off instead or b) completely forgot about the post. Please also feel free to send links my way of what you've enjoyed reading! I'm always up for a good article. Without further ado...

Source

Do you ever procrastinate a task because you think it will take forever to do then when you do it and it takes all of a few minutes, less time than your brain convinced you it would? If so, read this. For me it's putting my shoes away right after I wear them rather than , merely responding to a simple text, cleaning my toilet...the list goes on. Strangely, I feel the more I take my time to do these things--and stop rushing--the less time it actually takes.

Apparently, I am a pissed-off introvert.

A Medium article on the importance of cultivating detachment. Detachment from material possessions, relationships, experiences, work, thoughts, time. We often are led to believe that going all-in is what's right but taking a step back, taking yourself out of the equation can provide clarity to the situation.

Alexis' post on embracing your life, learning to live intuitively and flexibly. Seriously, this = goals. 🙌

Don't over-work and under-live

The distinction between satisfaction and fullness. Rachael beautifully presents how although certain foods can provide a physically sensation of fullness they may not fill us mentally/emotionally/spiritually.

BONUS VIDEO that teaches how to be miserable. (Yes, you read that correctly)

Questions:
Do you/have you tracked your time spent online? Did it help in cutting back? 
Could you relate to being a pissed-off introvert too? 
What satisfying foods have you had this weekend? 

I tend to accumulate reads I've loved over the weeks in one blog post. Then I go back and select a handful to share. But there have been so, so many good links lately that my indecisiveness (and let's be real, partially laziness) can't deal. So instead of eliminating them, I've got a number of things I wanted to share with y'all and will share them all. Also, rather than explain each with my own little blurb, I'm going to let the article speak for itself.

Rest ≠ recovery. The key is to resilience is in the recovery. So in short, make time to recharge.

The Donut Eating Dietician's of body acceptance.

Some common misconceptions of intuitive eating.

Did you know that the daily energy your heart produces from pumping--just by doing what it naturally does--could theoretically power a truck for 20 miles? Here are 16 other random facts about our bodies. 

It may not be the body you desire, but the body you have is more than enough.

A cute yet accurate cartoon on the reality of communicating with others when you're depressed.

Source

Becoming content with being alone.

If you're on the verge of an emotional breakdown, read this.

A take on self-care versus self-indulgence from the Kitchn.

Barbie is telling it like it is. 

Questions:
What have you enjoyed reading on the web recently?
How are you showing yourself self-care this weekend? 
What is one thing you are loving about your body today? 

It's been almost a month since I last shared some wonderful links with y'all. That is not to say I haven't been reading anything good. I have definitely been gobbling them up. I was originally going to say, that considering what point it is in the semester, I've been "wasting" too much time browsing the interweb but I decided against it. It's been a rough few weeks. I am currently feeling emotionally exhausted, unmotivated, and anxious--not a healthy combination. On the bright side, this allowed me to continue to practice showing compassion towards myself and my feelings. Included in this self-compassion is enriching my mind with the fulfilling thoughts of others, not a waste of time if it brings me joy and inspiration. Here are a few of the ones I found that did just that.

Oooh, also a happiest of Earth Days to our beautiful planet.


1. Intuitive Eating ≠ Avoiding "Bleh" Foods - A misconception I had had about intuitive eating was that it's "supposed to" make you feel good all the time. That if you somehow ate something you didn't like or enjoy it was wrong. That feeling overly full was a bad thing. Obviously, this is my black and white thinking coming into play. Loved loved loved getting reminded of my intuitive eating really is.

Source

2. How to Detox Your Inbox - As summer approaches, I am beginning to create my summer to-do list (of course I create to-do lists for myself over the summer. Oh, Kaylee). Included on this is cleaning up my email inbox. A healthy kind of detox.

3. Best Vegetarian Finds at Trader Joe's - Note to self to shop at TJ's more often. Seriously. So many good items that I must try. Plus, it's relatively on the cheap side. I can personally attest to that mixed nut butter by the way.

Carrot loaf + mangoes + that nut butter drizzle = YUMZ x 10

4. 27 Simple Ways to Improve Your Mental Health - For all those who are currently feeling anxious, depressed, alone, scared, hopeless, please know you are not alone. Please make time for yourself to do these easy steps. You are worthy and you are loved and you deserve to feel good. Meditate, make lists, get creative, go outside, read, de-clutter your life. Take it one day--one moment at a time.

Also on the note of mental health...

5. Supporting Those Struggling with Mental Illnesses - Again, the lovely Leah provided wonderful advice. As someone who both struggles and has loved ones that have struggled and continue to struggle, it's been a process learning what helps and what doesn't. As much as it can vary from person to person, situation to situation, she breaks down the basics of how to be there for those you know who are battling mental illnesses.

• Watched TWO movies over the weekend. Finally saw Beauty and the Beast with my friend that I promised I'd go see it with. The second one was Your Name, a critically acclaimed animated Japanese film that I watched with my cousin. The plot and soundtrack were amazing! Watching movies especially in the theater is definitely something that fuels my guilt. As opposed to on Netflix, when I'm in the dark theater I can't multitask and can't justify the hours spent doing "nothing." So challenge more than accepted--challenged enjoyed! 
• Another guilt-inducing activity is spending money on myself specifically when it comes to food (Why hello edesia!). I took myself out to try a new coffee shop and bought a strawberry cream cheese loaf slice. More expensive than I would have liked it to be but learning to let it go. 

• Left a good chunk of my to-do list unchecked. Obviously guilt-inducing for my Type A personality. 
• Last Tuesday was free cone day at Ben and Jerry's and luckily my university has one right on campus! A couple of friends and I went after class got out. Kinda felt bad about having ice cream for lunch and for time spent doing things I didn't "have to" do. Luckily (again) the line looked much longer than it actually was so glad we stuck it out. Reminded myself that this only happens once a year. Gotta take advantage of that free food! 

Americone Dream FTW.

• Attended a chili cook-off on behalf of the cooking org on campus. Felt bad about a) not being able to help out as much as I should have given I am an officer of the club and b) "wasting" my afternoon away not doing anything productive to-do-list-wise. We did end up winning 3rd place and I tasted all the chili entries. 
• Because of how time consuming it can be (sense a theme yet?), I rarely apply make-up.  I promised I would try it out a couple of times this week and was fairly satisfied with the outcome. Paired with yoga pants and a pajama-esque boyfriend tee perfect mix of looking like I both tried and didn't simultaneously. Yay for taking steps to self-confidence! 

• Unexpectedly had dinner (fettucine with a fried egg, greens, garlic and salty Filipino fish) with my parents on Saturday night. I hadn't gone grocery shopping for the week and had basically no food at my apartment so I asked if I could join them. Also spent the night there, which made me feel bad about how often I spend time with my parents. Like, what kind of college student am I!?? 
• Please forgive me because I rushing this one today; I have a presentation during my first class and am feeling completely under prepared. Attempting again to breathe in and accept the guilt rather than succumb to it. What has happened has happened. Ooommm. So finally, writing this post when I should probably be preparing for said presentation. 

There are so many raisins to love your body!

Three hours ago I drove home from my parents' house after arguing with them essentially over nothing. The pounding rain on the windshield matched my bawling face. I could feel my emotions taking over, everything bubbling up. I knew my thoughts were irrational. I knew I was just in a bad mood. I was completely aware of these default reasonings my brain conjures up. And yet, I couldn't help but make myself feel worse. I was spiralling.
I have been irritable for the past couple of days. Stemming from feelings unproductive, I . I have been judging myself hardcore for not working on the things I "need" to get done, for allowing myself too much rest. I ended up spending the night over there the night prior and on Sunday morning I woke up feeling flat. The day hadn't started and I was already hating on myself for being lazy. Throughout the morning, I could not for the life of me motivate myself to do anything. I was literally switching among mindlessly scrolling through Facebook, complaining about how I needed to actually do stuff, and asking myself what was wrong with me, why couldn't I just get up?

"All I know is that my life is better when I assume that people are doing their best. It keeps me out of judgment and lets me focus on what is, and not what should or could be." - Brene Brown's husband

• Attended the first meeting of another Body Project session. I had done one about a year and a half ago now but wanted to see how much of my body-image outlook and self-confidence has changed in that time. 
• Got to attend a pre-interview dinner for the next round of potential interns for the firm I interned at. Strange to be on the other side of things. I thought I was done wearing  But yay for free fancy food! 
• Started the new Harry Potter book, Cursed Child! It's nothing spectacular but an easy read was exactly what I was needing. 

It's okay to lose your marbles.

• Had a thought-provoking conversation with my counselor last Tuesday about feelings of anxiousness and worry. I believe a little worry is good for us. I think it gives us a sense of purpose. It can be a tool for motivation. Too much, however, and it can debilitate us, overwhelming, consuming us entirely. She paralleled carrying around little bouts of anxiety to marbles; we need to learn which ones are okay to simply let roll away. In a way we need to choose what worries us. I tracked and illustrated what worried me throughout the day in a marble jar drawing. It was really interesting to see where my worries typically came from. Again, building awareness is the first step. 

• Bonded with my aunt over dinner, TV and usual conversation. We had shrimp tempura, brown rice and sesame roasted veggies. Then watched the latest episodes of both Survivor and Amazing Race. 
• Posted some of my favorite eats of the month. 
• Discovered a new study spot on campus that meets all my criteria:
  
  ☑️  Available outlets
  ☑️  Comfy chairs
  ☑️  Semi-isolated but still okay for people watching
  ☑️  Natural lighting

Source

• Made it to the matinee showing of Kinky Boots in the nick of time!  
• Picked up groceries for the cooking club meeting. We'll be making a beef curry dish this week! 
• Also watched Hidden Figures as yet another form of procrastination. My university offered a free screening during the middle of the day last Friday and I couldn't turn it down. I highly recommend it if you get the chance.