• Grabbed lunch with my parents one day, a salad with fried artichokes and goat cheese among other toppings + a chunk of bread. The mixture of creamy, tangy and crunchy fits into the perfect equation for a salad in my book. 

• This blueberry spelt scone up in New Haven when I was there for Spring Break
• Celebrated St. Paddy's Day with Irish soda bread and a green shakshuka type dish that I threw together. Basically took greens and Trader Joe's green goddess dressing into a pan, added the eggs and feta cheese.

• Tried one of the new Siggi's flavors -- mango jalapeño. Not my all-time favorite Siggi's (forever and ever their vanilla) but was pretty good. I love the sweet and spicy combo!

• No longer the season for it necessarily but this curried sweet potato soup with autumnal goodies--roasted brussels sprouts, pomegranate seeds and toasted pepitas--but seriously one of the best soups I have probably ever tasted. 

• In that meatless Monday cooking class I took, we made a beet hummus (sans tahini for me 😟) and smashed pea ricotta toast. Gotta love a classic pair like that.
• Another absolutely amazing meal at Mot Hai Ba, this fancier Vietnamese restaurant, before watching a play with my family. This was their braised beet salad with crispy shallots and coconut cream. Look at that plating!!! 😍😍😍

• This different blueberry oatmeal where you puree all the ingredients--including the oats--before cooking. An interesting texture. Almost like a muffin but actually enjoyed it and will be doing it again! Found a similar using apples so stay tuned!
• Made brown butter chocolate oatmeal! Chocolate! For breakfast! Topped with dates and coconut. 

You know what they say, having avocado every day keeps the doctor away

1. Avocados like nobody's business

• Carrot Cake. Yes that isn't sweet!!!!  Topped mine with a Greek yogurt because it was what I had in the fridge. As a side note, when did these things get a sweet rep?? Why must they be categorized as sweet or savory? Is there no grey between?  
• Granola. I subbed the pistachios and pumpkin seeds for squash seeds I had previously roasted that were sitting in the pantry. Delicious with other foods but equally good on its own. Here I ate it on top of yogurt with soy broccoli and sriracha. 

3. Refreshing Drinks - Despite a "cold front" coming through in Dallas and a relatively mild summer already, I've been craving cold things in the form of smoothies. For example...

• A lil baby drink, which was the perfect size for 1/2 a brunch I ate in Austin. I also got this sausage casserole. And because I like my veggies, shared some sauerkraut on the side. 
• This fresh fig & grape one from Golubka Kitchen. My dietician has recommended I try kefir to help with my leaky gut so I picked up a bottle of the plain flavor to try. I learned that I absolutely hated the taste of its on its own--like a super thin yogurt. Blech. When mixed into things like smoothies or overnight oats though, it's actually good. 

Cheese game strong

Even with July weather, I won't be stopped from turning on the stove and oven. Made my take on zucchini lasagna. Polenta grits for my grain plus cheese to make it rain.


Finally, not so much a trend but it's fun to just share the random things I've tried at restaurants.

• A oil-poached tuna salad nicoise (minus the egg because I don't like hard-boiled eggs 😁) Dill potatoes, tomatoes, fresh green beans, olives. Mmmmm... 
• Fried eggplant biscuit sandwich with L, T and white cheddar cheese. Dying to go back to this place and try their cauliflower one! 
• Rosemary chicken and asparagus pizza made even better with the accompaniment of my mother. I had a couple of slices as did she. We took the leftovers home. 
• This HUGE grain bowl that I ate in Vegas last weekend. Saw this place on The Cutting Veg's Instagram and was dead set on trying it. Aside from the buttload of freekeh,  it had tzatziki sauce, pickled onions, eggplant, zucchini, marinated tomatoes and spiced chickpeas. 

Hope that leaves you eyes satisfied with eats til next month! Let me know what you've been enjoying lately!

Questions:
Have you ever had something traditionally sweet as savory (or vice versa--eg. bacon on donuts, salted caramel, tahini desserts)?
Thoughts on kefir? 
What are you looking forward to in August? 

Whoa. What an event-filled week this was.

With the struggles I faced on Wednesday, it was a great time to put into practice being more compassionate towards myself. Whether this be in the small changes in my mental outlook or in actual acts of love and self-care, I think this overreaching idea of self-compassion was my biggest accomplishment of the past week. Slowly but surely (fingers crossed!) will this become second nature for me.

Linking up with Meghan to detail the other happenings of the week:


Went to Starbucks twice in one week. The first was spent catching up with my dear friend and former roomie. We try to meet up at least once a month and I've grown to appreciate our time together even if it's just an hour or two. Not-so-low-key also went to Starbucks to get bonus stars and earn 'em rewards.

Buying butter(!!!) for the first time in AGES. Uhhh, whaaat?!!

Something that has been racking my brain recently is the blurry spectrum of self-care and how it relates to discipline. I have been planning this post for weeks now to join in thinking aloud. Problem is the intense struggle of actually getting my thoughts into words. Writer's block indeed. Rather than procrastinate for yet another week, I decided to let those thoughts and feelings flow, hopefully not too incoherently, and just write that SFD.


The world of self-care is very confusing. The real question that has been nagging at me that started this whole thing was: Is there such a thing as too much self-care? I feel I use self-care as a way to excuse myself from doing the "hard things," from doing things I don't necessarily want to do (homework, clean my room), and sometimes even things I do truly want to do (take more pictures, play the piano), the latter are things that could be considered self-care too.

With my busy schedule this summer, I find myself getting home at the end of the day exhausted in all aspects. I just want to curl in bed and watch mindless TV. Not that TV as self-care is a bad thing; it might be exactly what I need in that moment but not the self-care that I know I ultimately need or want to partake in. And maybe it's the "should" monster in me speaking but there has to be truth in this compulsion.

Also slightly on that note, since recovery, I feel my discipline declining. In the peak of my eating disorder, I was exercising 5-6 times a week. I would get up for a run or would force myself to go the gym. It was obviously not the healthiest thing (hello ED!) for me at the time nor do I want to go back to that mindset. But when I look back and reflect on that time, my drive was stellar. I amazingly somehow had energy to accomplish that, classes, a part-time job and not feel as drained as I do now. I don't remember finding myself scrolling through my Facebook feed every 10 minutes (seriously the number of times I visited Facebook when writing this most is unreal) or checking how many people viewed my Snaps or refreshing my email, waiting for an update somewhere, anywhere. I don't know what I am waiting for.

There were times I did not even take my phone with me to the gym. Although the exercise addiction and eating disorder took over my life, I miss the freedom of not being addicted to my phone. This is probably the biggest thing that is getting to me. What's even more frustrating is know that it isn't the healthiest thing for my mental space. It's too easy to get lost in the comparison spiral, the "ideal." Though sadly, I think part my brain wants to let it slide as "self-care," that I should basically allow myself to do it because I need to appease that slight anxiety of not checking it. Rather than have the control to step away from my phone, I give in to the urges and bring it out.

In the past 2 years, I may not necessarily have gotten lazier but I find I am missing that spark within me. I am missing a sense of motivation. A drive to get myself out of bed and not check Instagram first thing in the morning. A drive to choose to clear the clutter from my desk rather than watch a bajillion movie trailers on YouTube.

I take more Buzzfeed quizzes on a daily basis that tell me what kind of cake I am or how many kids I'll have than I would like admit. Is is wrong to call that self-care? Am I merely using it as avoidance, distraction, from the self-care that I truly need but can be more taxing? Is self-care something that does not have to be forced? If it's exhausting in the short-term but potentially fulfilling in the long run, is it still self-care? Can self-care make you unhappy, for example when journaling and sitting with uncomfortable feelings? Where is the discipline to stop me from opening Buzzfeed in the first place? Should self-care come with discipline? If yes, how do incorporate it without self-caret becoming a chore that we don't look forward to?

More than anything, I would love to hear your thoughts around self-care or discipline, particularly when it comes to social media and the internet and being glued to our phones. Thank you for allowing me to rattle on with little sense.

Hihi! I decided to take last week off from WIR. Honestly, with its ritualistic, habitual nature, it started to feel like a chore--another thing on to check off the to-do list--at no fault of Meghan's whatsoever! I was compelled to write something for the sake of "linking up." I was trying to plan my weeks around my accomplishments, doing things because I could list them as accomplishments on here rather than doing these things for my own mental health. And isn't the point of this to be a review, a look back, and not another item to worry about for the future? So, there.


In any case, while on my mini-break, classes resumed for the summer session. With classes only twice a week (+ one online), it isn't as bad as I was expecting. But for some reason, I have been physically and mentally and socially and emotionally and spiritually spent. I remembered this quote that perfectly describes my feelings at the moment because I met an incoming HS senior born in 2000, which makes me feel incredibly old, and because it's already June, meaning we're halfway through the year, and because my graduation from college was exactly one month ago:

The days are long but the years are short. 

Breakfast toped with a pitaya macaroom, granola,

Monday

• Started my day how all weeks should begin: Daily crossword puzzling and noshing on Siggi's yogurt. 
• Survived the sudden downpouring of rain on the way to my first and only class of the day. I brought an umbrella thinking it would scare off the rain as with my luck that's what usual occurs but nooo. 
• Bought my plane ticket for Las Vegas!! I'll be going there in the end of July for an honor society conference. #lit Not sure how much free time I'll have but please send me suggestions on what to do/eat/see! 

Tuesday

• Worked the afternoon shift (noon-close) at the bakery
• Made my version of these carrot-y sauce noodles for dinner 
• Watched Wonder Woman with coworkers. Hmm, like with any superhero film, there were cheesy parts. But all in all it was a good film, nothing crazy spectacular in my opinion other than the fact it's the first major superhero movie both with a female lead and female directress. 
• At said movie ordered a HUGE strawberry balsamic milkshake, something I don't (or at least haven't in some time) normally order. 

Wednesday

• This extra long Hump Day started with an check-up with the endocrinologist. Was there longer than expected because they wanted to do a few more tests since my blood pressure was super low...though I felt completely fine... 
• Had another surprise blood test. I swear, I've had more of these in the past year than I have had in the 10 years before that. On the bright side, getting better at dealing with needles! 
• Started back up at an outpatient treatment center for recovery much to my dismay but that's another story for future Kaylee to rant about...
• These are my long days school-wise. I had class from 3:00-5:15 then again from 6:00-10:00. How does a grandma like me stay awake in a night class you ask? Hmmm, I have no clue but I did! 

Thursday

• Went out to brunch and enjoyed lovely conversation with a friend. I got the chicken pesto power bowl. Kale (Kayl? 😁) Yeah!! 
• Worked again but this time was my first shift closing by myself, the only cashier. 

Colorful meal of Singaporean curry noodles w/ shrimp + added some basil & red cabbage

Friday

• Aaaaaand IOP once more. I feel this time around I am struggling a lot more with being vulnerable and opening up to people. Every time I'm there I am on the verge of tears. I am going to burst if I say just one word. 
• The beautiful weather called for an early evening bike ride with my aunt. I am still off of exercise but allowed myself to be more mindful with my movement, noticing times when I could have pushed myself but didn't. 
• Afterwards, we grabbed Asian food for dinner. On the way back from there, a popsicle place I had been to was having its soft opening for a new location right by my university, which meant popsicles for dessert! I chose the fruity prickly pear lemonade while my aunt got avocado & coconut. Usually I wait a few hours before having dessert and this was totally not what I had planned to eat so yay for flexibility! 

If you have yet to read Alexis' post on sugar, do so now!! My sugar intake is definitely an aspect of "healthy eating" that I have struggled with; it's always on the back of my mind. So I loved reading her outlook on the topic! A good reminder that craving and eating sugar isn't the end of the world.

Shoutout to Cora for introducing me to my new favorite word! Have you ever heard of the word edesia, or edes for that matter? Apparently, the latter means "to spend money on food." Again, something I often struggle with doing or spending in general. But I am slowly realizing the joy in taking care of yourself in spending on yourself, for yourself, by yourself. 

Got some bad news this past week that the study abroad trip to Germany I applied to for this summer is no longer pushing thru because of lack of interest 😢  So frustrating! I guess this Paris food recs guide will have to be for postponed for weekend excursions & adventures around Europe even further out into the future. 💔  Here's to hoping. siiiigh

On a lighter note, these Disney memes were almost too good to handle. 😂

In honor of Beauty & The Beast Source

A love-ly essay on the kind of love I am ultimately searching for. One that doesn't just look beyond a number on scale but rather is so great, so true that it did not recognize it to begin with.

"..real love makes room for you to love yourself the way you are, and the way you want to be." 

Questions:
What's your take on sugar?
Have you seen the new Beauty and The Beast? I plan to watch it at some point this week but want to hear others' reviews! 
What instances made you appreciate your body from a new perspective?

Currently sitting in my jammies, repping my recovery shirt on a Thursday night. After being inspired by this Katie Dalebout podcast episode, which by the way you should listen to, I've decided to watch Liberal Arts on Netflix to wind down.



It's been weeks since I last shared my favorite links with y'all. Four to be exact. At the pace I have been blogging lately, maybe I just need to call this must-reads of the month instead... Without any further procrastination:

If you ever forget about the magic that goes on behind the screen -- How Some of La La Land's Scenes Were Filmed 

Hummusapien's "You are More Than a Meal Plan" post -- Food for thought. (Pun definitely intended)

How to Like Yourself -- Some tips of self-acceptance

It may be because I recently finished reading The Joy Luck Club buuuuut these Chinese tidbits of wisdom spoke to me ☺️

“The goal of life is to die young, but as late as possible.”

A Rant on Always Eating More Than Others -- Cora is a mind-reader. I swear. She just gets me.

For all you introverts out there like me 🙋 -- On Loving an Introvert via ThoughtCatalog

In honor of National Eating Disorder Awareness Week: A Day of Eating Disorder Recovery in College -- basically what goes on in my brain 24/7. I also want to say here, please know that if you are struggling, you are not alone in this. The first step is to reach out and seek help. Eating disorders are a real mental illness, one that often goes overlooked.

And lastly, for perspective, remember you are not the majority. 

--- 

Have a wonderful weekend! ☀️




Questions:
What is on your must-reads list as of late?
If you've seen La La Land, what did you think? Or what other movies would you recommend?
Share your own tips on learning to like yourself! 

And by week I mean the two past months... I've been putting this post off for some time now because there are just SO MANY wonderful links to share that I can't read or write fast enough!

But first, I wanted to share a few things.

1. I joined the recently-founded Spoon University chapter for my school as a photographer! Excited to get to continue to practice my food photography skills and get to know other foodies. Also check out our Instagram!

2. Recovery-wise, as I've mentioned in previous posts, I have felt a little stagnant. Not like I am moving backwards but definitely less engaged, less challenged. So, I have decided to start an IOP (intensive outpatient) program at a nearby eating disorder center over the holiday break. Surprisingly, I am not feeling all too anxious about it. It feels...right? Will keep you updated!

Time for all the good links. Because I have a lot to share (plus honestly out of my own laziness), rather than explain as I usually do, I'll keep it short and just add a little blip! Read on, friends, read on.

This quote reflected my week. I am feeling good at the moment. Calm, thankful, present for once. There were definitely times though when I felt completely frustrated, overwhelmed, on the brink of tears. So I cried. I let myself cry. But I no longer am crying. The storm has passed by. This is a reminder for all (including myself) that thoughts are fleeting. Feelings are fleeting. There may be more storms to come but for now I am appreciating the weather as is whatever it may be.

Considering the amount of stress I felt this week, I definitely made time for me. In fact, there was a lot of things I did to take care of myself, which honestly is probably what I need to do most when I am freaking out. So I'm feeling accomplished already. Here's another Week in Review (Thanks Meghan!) for ya. Please forgive the randomness of this title. I guess that's pretty much how my moods have felt--random. Have a happy week, friends!

• Took not one but TWO selfies last week, something I rarely ever do. Why do we equate selfies with being vain? Sometimes, a good picture & a smile is just what you need to cheer up. That's not necessarily egotistic; it can be simply self-care.
• Made falafel & couscous tabouleh for our cooking club meeting one evening. As sad as it is that it was our last cooking event of the semester, I am glad the stress from that is over for now.

• Harvested a buttload of basil from the community garden. Time for all the pesto ever!
• Attended an Excel workshop and improved my VLOOKUP skills
• Finished reading my for fun book--Empire of Storms. This was a good, long read. (AND SARAH MAAS IS AMAZING)

• Went out on a date with my sister last Friday. Indian food & Avenue Q made for a much-needed relaxed evening. I tried something new & ordered this veggie bread mash thing called kothu parotta. 
• Also, she, her boyfriend & I won taboo against my parents & aunt! Millennials FTW. 

• Made persimmon jam out of hachiya persimmons. FYI, these taste disgusting plain... Fuyu all the way! 
• Subsequently cut myself while chopping the frozen fruit.... twice.... Sad looking, I know, but at least I was able to make do with what I had (i.e. cotton & tape)
• Left my weekend's to-do list unfinished, which isn't something most people are proud of, but it's something I need to learn to be okay with, without feeling like I've somehow failed.