Another long week is almost over; I can see the the light at the end of the tunnel! Haven't got too much going on this weekend, which is more than fine with me. If I hadn't mentioned before, I'm doing 3 weeks of interviews (with socials the evenings before) for an accounting program I'm in. It's been nice to come home, turn my brain off a little bit and get cozy in my unmade bed. So here are some less intense links that caught my attention:

1. I'm on a Hamilton high after my sister introduced me to the musical over Spring break. The lyrics are super catchy, the songs are practically rap, there's history involved. What's not to like? I just HAD to take this Buzzfeed quiz because I have a Buzzfeed problem. (I can't stop doing their daily crosswords no matter how terrible I am at them) In other recent musical news, RENT, A Gentleman's Guide to Love & Murder and Finding Neverland are all showing in the Dallas this broadway season. There goes my wallet....



2. Read Foodiecology's healthy living ABCs a few days ago. Thought it was a super fun idea! Using this as inspiration to make my own at some point. Stay tuned!

3. I had leftover canned pumpkin from making that chocolate cake so THIS LOAF happened (but I still have leftover pumpkin sitting in the fridge....aaaaawkward) Happy half Halloween!!! Yes, I am making that validation for my use of pumpkin. Though why does Fall have to get all the fun? Spring deserves some punkin' lovin' too. And you only need one bowl?! Yes puh-lease. Kaylee: 1, Dishes: 0.

This tastes better than it looks I promise!

4. Sleep Habits of College Students -- Interesting to see how others live. On the topic of sleep, I have not been sleeping well these past couple of weeks. Blame it on my subconscious anxiety for these interviews, these horrible allergies, still not adjusting to daylight saving time, whatever. I am far from your average college student; I am a morning person as much as I hate to admit it. Even on weekends, I am awake by 7:30, which is an ungodly time for most. I try to get 7-8 hours of sleep a day. My typical bedtime routine involves some form of reading, blogging or writing. I'm usually in bed by midnight but my mind has pretty much shut off waaaay before then. I wouldn't be able to function if I had to stay up all night. Sad, but true.

5. I think I found my new pick-me-up song! Try hard not to dance with this song. Even though my musical tastes have expanded since high school, The Maine will always remain one of those that I keep coming back to. P.S. Please know that wherever, whoever, whatever you are right at this moment, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.


Here's what the lead singer writes:

You are beautiful because your eyes are different sizes and your lisp gets in between your tongue and teeth every time you try to say "something". You are beautiful because the scar under your chin looks like a spider and because you have a massive fear of heights. You are beautiful because there never has been, nor will there every be anyone else on this Earth like you. Because your flaws are like fingerprints and should be embraced just like the free will that resides inside. You are not beautiful because of the symmetry in the little squares on your telephone, you are beautiful because "you" are the only "you" this place will ever know. -John C. O'Callaghan V.

Questions:
Got any simple ways to use pumpkin? (I am desperate 😭 )
What's your bedtime routine? Are you a morning person? 
Name one of your go-to feel-good songs! 

 Over the past months, I've enjoyed reading others' posts so I decided to partake in Thinking Out Loud today too. Thank you Amanda for these Thursdays! This may not be a super exciting, fun topic to ramble about but I've been thinking a lot lately about my struggles in recovery, or actually the lack thereof, and what it means. Honestly, I just want your thoughts/advice/words of wisdom/musings.

I've been feeling strangely good about my recovery. I have overcome many of my previous fear foods, allowed myself to nibble when I'm hungry though I know a bigger meal is next, managed to shush my inner comparison critic and eat for myself with others present. I haven't been struggling as much as I was, which may seem like a positive thing.

But I wonder if this a sign of recovery or a sign of backsliding? Am I not challenging myself enough? Am I unknowingly lying to myself? My counselor encouraged me to trust myself--trust that maybe I am recovering. I guess I'm scared of accepting that because I don't know what recovery feels like exactly. Because I don't know what it means to have a healthy relationship with food anymore. Because I don't know where to go next.

P.S. These past few days have been nonstop. I'm exhausted; hence the quick post. It's also almost my bed time (aka midnight) so I hope what I'm saying makes sense! But hey, I guess the mind doesn't make sense half the time, yeah?

Questions:
How do you cope with doubt? 
Any other thoughts? 

Somehow I managed to simultaneously have the busiest yet most unproductive week (but really 10 days) ever. So to be honest I was originally going to post this last Friday until I realized Meghan's link-up is actually for Mondays... #kaylfayl Thus, here we are. Back to school. On this Monday morning. Yay. Sense my enthusiasm?

Here were some of the highlights from my Spring break:

• Walked around the lake pond thing near my parents' house with my father dearest. Look at that glorious sunshine! ☀️ Summer I'm ready for ya!
• Slept "in" til 9 (*self-five*) when we sprung forward a week ago

• Had a Bachelor Finale watch "party" with my aunt & sister. Side note: Anyone else upset that Jojo is the new bachelorette? Was totally rooting for Caila 😩
• Volunteered for the North Texas Food Bank's mobile community pantry. Sorted, packed and distributed produce galore! 
• Attended not one but TWO classes at Central Market with my mother. I learned a) how ridiculously easy popovers are to make and b) what a Texas 1015 onion is

Maple bacon ice cream with a bacon brittle Bacon definitely makes life better...

Cheddar and thyme scones fresh out of the oven

• Wore sandals out for the first time this 2016! I repeat, summer I'm ready for you!!! 
• Got a much needed haircut. The last time I got it cut was over Thanksgiving break so it had definitely been waaaaaay too long (4 months--ohmygod it's the middle of March) so I had a couple inches chopped off. 
• Went on Sister Whole Foods' date before said haircut

• Finally figured out how to use the filters features on my Snapchat. I may be going a tad crazy with them. Just a tad. I apologize to anyone who follows me for spamming you with my face
• Checked off the majority of my to-do list
• Avoided the things that actually had to be done
• Watched the new Digimon Tri with my sister (and fangirled more than a college student should have over an anime show)
• Celebrated π day in the most rational (HA-HA get it??) way--with pie of course! 

Blueberry 3.14

• Baked a chocolate cake last Saturday afternoon though not eye-pleasing as Tieghan's 
• Skyped with my best friend who's thousands of miles away (SHOUTOUT TO THIS BIRTHDAY GIRL BTW!!!!!!)

Happy St. Patty's day! For all of you not wearing green today, I am sending you virtual pinches. I've got a full day but more on that tomorrow.

Festive socks for the win!

Here are some links that are completely unrelated to St. Patrick's Day!

1. Another week, another Buzzfeed quiz.


I tried to find the meaning of Lakynn but it took so many failed Google attempts then I found this: "Form of Catherine, Follower of Christ, Anointed, Pure." Hmmm... Side Note: I was always jealous of those with i's in their names. I wanted to be that cool girl who dots her i's with hearts, stars, or swirlies. I never wanted to change my name per se but if I could, I would change the spelling to Kaylie.

2. Through my recovery, I'm learning to live more in the moment. To be in the present rather than constantly worrying about the future. But mindfulness has been a tricky thing for me. I second guess myself and feel like I'm doing this mindfulness thing in the "wrong" way. I read this article and I have to admit it reassured me that maybe I am becoming more self-aware than I give myself credit for.

3. "Body positivity is a mindset not a goal." ---> YES. I love this piece on the ups and downs that come with learning to accept your body. We all have our bad hair days, days where we feel like crap and look the part too, days where no matter what goes well, we'll always pick apart our flaws. But there are also those days when you can look at the mirror, think "Hell yeah, I look good." and mean it 100%, with all your heart.

4. Oh, how I wish I had graphic design skills to make calligrams like these. My favorites = 5, 8, 11, 23 & 41!

Calligram, noun - a word or piece of text in which the design and layout of the letters creates a visual image related to the meaning of the words themselves. 



5. There are no words to explain how this poem called You Are More Than A Body makes me feel. Remember your body is only temporary; it is your soul that endures.

Questions:
If you could change your name, would you? To what?
Have you tried practicing mindfulness?
How are you celebrating (or not) St. Patrick's Day? 

Spring break is finally here!!!!! Though the weather here makes it seem like it's supposed to be May. Rain + temps in the high 70s? What kind of Spring is this?!! I don't have anything too exciting going on over the next week so I'm going to try to use my time wisely and get ahead on all the craziness (projects/papers) to come in the second half of the sem. I've got internship interviews coming up too, which means even more stress. At least I can use this as the perfect excuse to go shopping for "professional" clothes, yeah?

Spring in Texas

Now for some links....

1. These stop motion videos are TOO CUTE! I seriously wish I had the creativity and the patience to do something like this. Love that mini-avocado toast. 🍞 + 🍳 + 🍐 (Yes, I know that's a pear but how can we be in 2016 and not have an avocado emoji yet?!!)

2.  I read somewhere a couple of weeks ago that Pokemon is 20 years old. Like whaaaaat. In a completely apt manner, I took the which Pokemon are you Buzzfeed quiz this week! *insert drumroll here*


3. Note to self, Kaylee: 22 Food Rights to Remember During Your Recovery. My favorites are 13 & 20!

4. Have yet to try this technique out but closed pistachios annoy the heck out of me. I pick the accidentally shelled ones first from the bag of unshelled pistachios. Maybe I should just buy pre-shelled pistachios.... It's hard to believe that before college, I hated nuts. Only a few years later, weirdly enough, nuts (esp. almonds, pecans, pistachios & walnuts!) are a staple in my pantry.

5. Last Tuesday, March 8th, was both national pancake day AND international women's day. So belated happy international women's day to all my fellow ladies out there! I hope you had your fill of fluffy, fluffy pancakes because sadly I did not. Booooo. I read this post about the pressures of being a woman in this day and age. About the judgment of not doing everything, about how every choice we make will be the wrong one. It was an interesting perspective on the negative side of women's liberation. The author goes so far to say she actually wants to marry her daughter off young to save her from all the comparison today. It definitely made me think twice. Would love to hear what you think about it!

Because ultimately what it means to be a woman in my generation is to be left wondering how I could have inherited so many opportunities, many more than the women before me, yet be left feeling exhausted and confused.

Questions:
Have you ever made a stop-motion video?
Did you play (or watch) Pokemon growing up? If so, who's your favorite? 
Pistachios--yay or nay? 

Happy Monday, friends! I was originally going to link up with Julia for the first ever Mental Health Monday but looks like that'll have to wait til next week.
Honestly, I'm not feeling too great at the moment (aka Sunday evening when I was typing this up). I was lost in my thought spiral again this weekend, criticizing every little thing about myself. But that's okay. I am grateful to recognize what I'm doing in the moment and allow myself to feel blah. It's a new day! And hey, only 4 more (school) days until Spring Break!
Whenever I wear this shirt (see above ^^^), I am reminded no matter what I am feeling or how I am feeling that is still part of recovery. That each step I am taking is part of this overall roller-coaster ride. Recovery doesn't mean just taking steps forward so things are magically sugar, spice & everything nice, where life is 110% better. The shirt assures me that I am progressing regardless of where I think I'm at mentally, emotionally, or physically. Whether it be days like today, where I feel like like a complete loser and failure at life, or on days where even the most banal moments excite me.

Part of my recovery has been learning about what it means to be in recovery. So, I decided to write a little few one-line definitions on my discoveries:
Recovery is a choice.
Recovery is acceptance.
Recovery is being raw & exposed & loved & honest.
Recovery is personal, not one-size-fits-all.
Recovery is more than numbers.
Recovery is lying on the floor throwing a tantrum and hating yourself for not knowing why.

Recovery is letting go.
Recovery is discovering your worth.
Recovery is crying at Twisted Root, frustrated because you can't figure out what you want to eat.
Recovery is morning selfies with disheveled hair and intense eye-bags.
Recovery is waking up feeling like shit.
Recovery is waking up feeling on top of the world.
Recovery is facing the mirror and being content with what you see.
Recovery is looking back at where you were and being astonished at how far you've come.
Questions:
What does recovery mean to you?
How do you cope when you're caught in a negative thought spiral?
Tell me about what you did this weekend! 

1. STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING NOW AND GO WATCH THE FINDING DORY TRAILER. 13 years after Finding Nemo came out, we only have to wait 3 more months weeeeeeee!!! Pixar movies will never get old, no matter my age.

From here

2. This post from Sundaes for the Soul seriously read my mind. Being vulnerable is extremely difficult for me. As Meghan points out, it's all about letting go of control. My sense of control stems from my lack of trust in people, myself, life as a whole. If I could control everything around me--including others and their feelings--then I wouldn't have to rely on trust. But as scary as it is, vulnerability is essential to being human and feeling connected. Also, I completely second listening to/reading/watching anything Brene Brown! (Though I have yet to read her other books....)

3. Speaking of vulnerability.... What's more "raw" than all the stories on the What I Be project website?? Individuals embracing their insecurities, revealing them to the world but declaring that they don't define who they are. After exploring the ED related ones, I found one that spoke to me. I am not my eating disorder. I am not my control. I am not my imperfections perfectionism. I am not my worry. I am not my problems.

From here

Anyone who says that perfectionism is about being perfect is wrong. Rather, it is about searching enduringly for imperfection.

4. My OCD-ness was freaking out a little bit because I didn't have 5 reads to post this week like I normally do. But honestly, I need to give myself some slack. What's wrong with having less or more than that? It's far from the end of the world if I don't stay consistent. So there.