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    Hope you are having a fabulous weekend friends. I apologize for another long must-reads post; I accumulate waaaay too many good ones, let them pile up before sharing 'em on here. I'm bound to learn my lesson eventually.

    On Body Image & Exercise:

    How to accept your changing body

    Getting back into exercising (beyond yoga) has been a goal of mine and my dietician's for my last semester. With under a month left now, I'm not sure how attainable that is so Kylie's thoughts on what she learned from a break from exercise came at the right time.

    Absolutely loved Roxane Gay's book, Hunger, and was excited to hear about the Unruly Bodies series on Medium this month. Here's my favorite one that I've come across so far: The Body on the Other Side of Self-Hatred
    "My body is mine, and because I am important to myself now, so is my body in its every scar, bump, fat roll, and bruise." 
    Food & Diet Related:

    Great advice on how meal planning and intuitive eating can work together

    A millennial's take on learning how to grocery shop from her mom

    Why Guilt-Free Foods are a Lie
    "Eating is pleasure and is part of everyday life. And if you forget that, repeat these words: “I don’t have to feel guilty, because I haven’t done anything wrong.”
    Not your typical definitions of a healthy diet

    To Think About:

    On the privilege of traveling.

    The trick to small talk? Asking number-related questions

    Even as I'm still in it, I know deep down that college was not as amazing as many make it out to be. With graduation looming, however, part of me has been worried that I hit my peak. So I was reassured by Davida's post on her college experience and how they weren't the best years of her life either. On a slightly related note, if you are struggling, please talk to someone; seriously, it was one of the best decisions in college and life to go see a therapist.

    From Medium: Three Things We Should Have Learned in School But Never Did

    "When we view the world through the lens of scarcity, the way we see the world becomes incredibly limited." 

    Fun Stuff:

    Another before and after photography project this time depicting how the American suburbia has changed.

    A sneak peek behind Broadways doors. 

    Breaking down 6 Different Types of Minimalists


    This hilarious list of 100+ potential Wi-Fi Names. Some of my favorites: Tell my Wifi Love Her, Drop It Like It's Hotspot, and Everyday I'm Buffering.

    Questions:
    What are your grocery shopping staples? 
    What is or was your college experience like?
    If you consider yourself a minimalist (or minimalist wannabe like me), which type are you? 
    Continue Reading
    Happy Hump Day / V-day!!!

    Popping in this morning to bring you a semi-recipe post as it's been a long time since I shared one and also to remind you of something v, v important!

    Though during 'normal' days I tend to take the time to make myself a nourishing breakfast, every year on Valentine's Day I try to be even more intentional about doing so. For me, this typically means pancakes! It may also be because a) yesterday was pancake day and you may know I really really really really love my food holidays b) I have this appropo silicone heart-shaped pancake mold, a reminder from my childhood that my mom gave to me when I started college. Weekend mornings growing up, waking up to the smell of chocolate chip pancakes in the shape of flowers and hearts. For some reason the shapes make such a difference despite being the exact same batter. I think it's the care and thoughtfulness put into merely using it that creates intention. 


    and more for the freezer!! 
    Whether you are single AF (🙋🏻‍♀️ ) or have an S.O. or it's complicated, remember to be your own Valentine first. And not just today on this contrived holiday but all days of the year. 

    So make pancakes. 
    Get a massage. 
    Go for a run or yoga class. 
    Watch a rom-com. 
    Open a bottle of wine. 
    Clean up your space. 
    Phone a bestie. 
    Take a selfie.


    I also just saw this on my Instagram feed and just had to share because it was pretty magical:


    For the pancakes themselves, I adapted this recipe from Cookie and Kate -- using APF + Kodiak cake mix for extra protein, honey and soy milk -- filled it with frozen blueberries and fresh strawberries, then topped all off with leftover cashew cream I had from this Well & Full apple cake. They are so ridiculously light and fluffy!!!

    If you want more pancakes, check out these older posts on the blog:
    Cottage Cheese Pancakes
    Lemon Ricotta Pancakes

    Questions:
    What are you doing for yourself today?
    The deciding battle: Pancakes or waffles? 

    Continue Reading
    since there was no snow this time around, here's a photo from another crazy winter we had in 2013
    I was walking home from campus yesterday thinking about how terribly cold I was and how I absolutely do not know how to dress for the bitter cold, below freezing weather that came upon Texas this past week. Then I was thinking more about the weather, how annoyingly capricious it can be (it's supposed to be in the 60s this weekend 😒 ). And also about how I can't control the fact that it feels like 4 degrees outside; I just have to adapt, prepare and make the best of what life gives me. Then this got me thinking (linking up with Running With Spoons for this one!) even more how we try to control other things in our life that aren't really controllable either. But for some reason I get so frustrated with myself when those other things go awry even if it's not in my power. Crazy how the mind jumps all over the place in this way.




    I wasn't originally going to post something about this today but I read Robyn's post on skin care from earlier today where she wrote...

    source

    ...and knew that it was meant to be. Also sharing her post because a) I'm currently battling a few zits and b) skin care is part of this holistic wellness journey that I've embarked on this new year.  

    So, just like we cannot control the weather, we cannot completely control our genetics--weight, skin, mental health, etc. There are so many factors involved that as much as we'd like to control XYZ it would just not be feasible. Our bodies, our skin, our emotions, our passions, our styles are meant to ebb and flow through life. 

    At the same time, we can choose to dress a certain way depending on what the forecast is. If it's raining, I'll bring an umbrella and don rain boots. If it's chilly, time for a scarf, gloves and a hat. If it's windy, I know not to wear a skirt that'll fly everywhere. No matter what we wear though the weather will not change. Likewise, we also need to adapt and make these seemingly small choices to care for ourselves when it comes to other aspects of health. 

    For example, let's go back to the zit issue. Rather than beat myself up about them, about not having the smooth, acne-free skin I once had in high school, I need to remind myself that that was years ago. In a completely different country with a completely different climate. As Robyn mentioned, there's my current stress level, food intake, sleep patterns involved too. But knowing these things I can still adapt where I can. Maybe by changing my face products. By actively trying to get a few more hours of sleep. By picking at my face less. 


    Forgive me if I'm not making any sense. I know that this parallel between the weather and body/self image is quite the stretch. As with most things, this sounded a lot more logical in my head. If anything I hope it serves as a reminder to accept who you are (or are learning to be), make the most of your present situation, and to stay warm!!! Now back to wishing I could stay inside all day wearing comfy socks and snuggling up in a blanket. 

    Questions:
    Though very smalltalk-y, what's the weather like where you are?
    How have you learned to accept the things you can't control? 
    What's your favorite winter clothing? 

    Continue Reading

    It's been some time since my last Thinking Out Loud post so I thought I'd take a moment this Thursday to join in the fun with Running With Spoons and ramble on...



    It may be almost 2 weeks into 2018 but I have finally caught up on reading New Year's posts from some of my fellow bloggers, inspirations, and may I say it, well, friends. One of them that really caught my eye was Naomi's 'resolution' one, New Year, More Me.  She talks about letting go of those things (i.e. shame, guilt, control) that only hold you back from yourself. Then on Cora's 2017 Recap she shared the words of Maya Angelou: "My wish for you is that you continue. Continue to be who and how you are." Hmmm, I sense a theme here....





    Even before reading what these two lovely ladies had to say, I had already been thinking a lot about this 'becoming yourself'; it's as if we are drank the same kool-aid for 2018. Totally on the same page. Another intention (I shared the first about giving presence earlier) of mine for this year and beyond is to cultivate who I authentically am. Out of self-love, I believe I owe it to myself to embrace me, something I have struggled with my whole life.


    For me this can mean many things.

    It's about discovering new passions and hobbies or focusing on things that fulfil me but I often neglect like photography or playing the piano.

    Or in finally getting the shades I've been planning on buying for years now.

    Or in simply journalling more intentionally.

    This may also be by actually changing habits that I believed made me who I was though in reality were hindering me from just that.

    As a slight digression, it's interesting when looking at my intentions (and the mini-goals in between) how almost none of them relate to weight/exercise/food really. Aside from things baking more recipes or doing more yoga, which for me relate more to the mental health aspect of the food and movement respectively, those things were not on my mind at all when I was writing this. And although I know physically I may not be recovered, in other areas this is the most recovered I've felt, which is good to say (err, type).


    Despite an overwhelming week (more on that in the near future...) in terms of school, it feels awesome yet completely bizarre to actually be inspired by my intentions. Goals/to-do lists/plans often make me feel the need to control every little thing. However, with this it feels almost natural, less worrisome. As if things will fall into place. As if the me I am working for is around the corner.

    I know the concept of finding oneself is a lifelong process and the cultivation will never cease. Call it pointless. Call it selfish. Call it cheesy. But I want to make this year for me.

    Questions:
    What does cultivating yourself look like to you?
    What has been on your mind lately? 

    Continue Reading
    Hihi! I decided to take last week off from WIR. Honestly, with its ritualistic, habitual nature, it started to feel like a chore--another thing on to check off the to-do list--at no fault of Meghan's whatsoever! I was compelled to write something for the sake of "linking up." I was trying to plan my weeks around my accomplishments, doing things because I could list them as accomplishments on here rather than doing these things for my own mental health. And isn't the point of this to be a review, a look back, and not another item to worry about for the future? So, there.


    In any case, while on my mini-break, classes resumed for the summer session. With classes only twice a week (+ one online), it isn't as bad as I was expecting. But for some reason, I have been physically and mentally and socially and emotionally and spiritually spent. I remembered this quote that perfectly describes my feelings at the moment because I met an incoming HS senior born in 2000, which makes me feel incredibly old, and because it's already June, meaning we're halfway through the year, and because my graduation from college was exactly one month ago:
    The days are long but the years are short. 

    Also, going to mix things up a lil' bit and only review M-F, one by one, since just in those 5 days alone a lot of stuff did go down: 

    Breakfast toped with a pitaya macaroom, granola, 


    Monday
    • Started my day how all weeks should begin: Daily crossword puzzling and noshing on Siggi's yogurt. 
    • Survived the sudden downpouring of rain on the way to my first and only class of the day. I brought an umbrella thinking it would scare off the rain as with my luck that's what usual occurs but nooo. 
    • Bought my plane ticket for Las Vegas!! I'll be going there in the end of July for an honor society conference. #lit Not sure how much free time I'll have but please send me suggestions on what to do/eat/see! 
    Tuesday
    • Worked the afternoon shift (noon-close) at the bakery
    • Made my version of these carrot-y sauce noodles for dinner 
    • Watched Wonder Woman with coworkers. Hmm, like with any superhero film, there were cheesy parts. But all in all it was a good film, nothing crazy spectacular in my opinion other than the fact it's the first major superhero movie both with a female lead and female directress. 
    • At said movie ordered a HUGE strawberry balsamic milkshake, something I don't (or at least haven't in some time) normally order. 
    Wednesday
    • This extra long Hump Day started with an check-up with the endocrinologist. Was there longer than expected because they wanted to do a few more tests since my blood pressure was super low...though I felt completely fine... 
    • Had another surprise blood test. I swear, I've had more of these in the past year than I have had in the 10 years before that. On the bright side, getting better at dealing with needles! 
    • Started back up at an outpatient treatment center for recovery much to my dismay but that's another story for future Kaylee to rant about...
    • These are my long days school-wise. I had class from 3:00-5:15 then again from 6:00-10:00. How does a grandma like me stay awake in a night class you ask? Hmmm, I have no clue but I did! 

    Thursday
    • Went out to brunch and enjoyed lovely conversation with a friend. I got the chicken pesto power bowl. Kale (Kayl? 😁) Yeah!! 
    • Worked again but this time was my first shift closing by myself, the only cashier. 

    Colorful meal of Singaporean curry noodles w/ shrimp + added some basil & red cabbage

    Friday
    • Aaaaaand IOP once more. I feel this time around I am struggling a lot more with being vulnerable and opening up to people. Every time I'm there I am on the verge of tears. I am going to burst if I say just one word. 
    • The beautiful weather called for an early evening bike ride with my aunt. I am still off of exercise but allowed myself to be more mindful with my movement, noticing times when I could have pushed myself but didn't. 
    • Afterwards, we grabbed Asian food for dinner. On the way back from there, a popsicle place I had been to was having its soft opening for a new location right by my university, which meant popsicles for dessert! I chose the fruity prickly pear lemonade while my aunt got avocado & coconut. Usually I wait a few hours before having dessert and this was totally not what I had planned to eat so yay for flexibility! 


    Questions:
    One accomplishment from your week!!
    Have you seen Wonder Woman yet? What did you think?
    Do you prefer morning, evening or midday classes? 




    Continue Reading







    This quote reflected my week. I am feeling good at the moment. Calm, thankful, present for once. There were definitely times though when I felt completely frustrated, overwhelmed, on the brink of tears. So I cried. I let myself cry. But I no longer am crying. The storm has passed by. This is a reminder for all (including myself) that thoughts are fleeting. Feelings are fleeting. There may be more storms to come but for now I am appreciating the weather as is whatever it may be.

    Considering the amount of stress I felt this week, I definitely made time for me. In fact, there was a lot of things I did to take care of myself, which honestly is probably what I need to do most when I am freaking out. So I'm feeling accomplished already. Here's another Week in Review (Thanks Meghan!) for ya. Please forgive the randomness of this title. I guess that's pretty much how my moods have felt--random. Have a happy week, friends!




    • Took not one but TWO selfies last week, something I rarely ever do. Why do we equate selfies with being vain? Sometimes, a good picture & a smile is just what you need to cheer up. That's not necessarily egotistic; it can be simply self-care.
    • Made falafel & couscous tabouleh for our cooking club meeting one evening. As sad as it is that it was our last cooking event of the semester, I am glad the stress from that is over for now.




    • Harvested a buttload of basil from the community garden. Time for all the pesto ever!
    • Attended an Excel workshop and improved my VLOOKUP skills
    • Finished reading my for fun book--Empire of Storms. This was a good, long read. (AND SARAH MAAS IS AMAZING)

    • Went out on a date with my sister last Friday. Indian food & Avenue Q made for a much-needed relaxed evening. I tried something new & ordered this veggie bread mash thing called kothu parotta. 
    • Also, she, her boyfriend & I won taboo against my parents & aunt! Millennials FTW. 

    • Made persimmon jam out of hachiya persimmons. FYI, these taste disgusting plain... Fuyu all the way! 
    • Subsequently cut myself while chopping the frozen fruit.... twice.... Sad looking, I know, but at least I was able to make do with what I had (i.e. cotton & tape)
    • Left my weekend's to-do list unfinished, which isn't something most people are proud of, but it's something I need to learn to be okay with, without feeling like I've somehow failed.  


    Continue Reading
    Amidst the midterm craziness that's about to commence, I wanted to to assure you all that I am, in fact, still alive despite the inactiveness of this blog. Because of said craziness, I'm going to keep avoid writing and refer you instead to some other awesome posts from around the web. Peace out, beansprouts!


    1. I oh so very much miss the blogging verse especially staying up to date with Julia's blog. I know this is more than a tad (aka a month late) but it just goes to show how I keep meaning to write this blog post and keep putting it off. Just had to share her words on affirmations. When I'm feeling overwhelmed, my go-to affirmation of sorts comes from Brene Brown: "No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough."

    2. What's procrastination without adding more to my to-make recipes? Like this black eyed pea hummus, or spelt foccacia, or these coconut almond bites... You get the idea.

    3. We get it in our heads that college is the end all, be all. They will be the "best four years of your life." Recently, with it being my senior year, I have felt I wasted these so called best years. But as this article notes, life doesn't stop after graduation. There will always be more time to find yourself, to recreate yourself, to fail, to succeed, to live.

    4. To anyone struggling with body image & self-love right now: A good reminder to keep at it and take care of your body, mind and soul. Your weight is just another meaningless number is the grand scheme of things. You are more than what you look like.

    5. Lastly, I will leave you with this post from Buzzfeed to honor Mental Health Week this past week. Seriously, one of the most powerful, ED-related things I've read in a while.
    "Always I wonder if recovery ever exists. If I’m ever to be rid of this. I feel like it will always be on the periphery, a thing inside of me. It will always be there within me and every day I will think about it as it looks me in the face. It is about food and it is not about food at all; it has nothing to do with food but with things even more primal and closer to the bottom of being human. It is about control and desire and denial and all I can do is wrestle with it." 
    Questions:
    Got any recipes to share? 
    Or affirmations? 
    How is your October going? 

    Continue Reading


    Hi.

    Over a month since my last post. Wow. I know--I'm terrible at keeping promises. 😭  The past month has been pretty hectic. Now with classes fully in the swing of things I feel I have no time for me and when I do have time, my brain immediately thinks I have to be doing something better with my time. That all accumulated this weekend where I was being hard on myself, which meant it was time for another....


    Clean Eats, Fast Feets Week in Review! 

    So, here I am on a Sunday night trying to compose this post before bed time. Didn't realize until writing this how much I missed blogging. Note to self: some TL(S)C--tender loving self care--never hurt ya. I am so making TLSC a thing. 'Til next time even if that may be a month from now (just kidding, I hope)!
    • In retrospect, despite how "unproductive" and "unmotivated" I felt, I got a good chunk of school stuff done. Basically all my meals have been spent multitasking & look like this:

    • ....with the occasional night of Gossip Girl, ice cream & coloring.
    • Did a couple of loads of laundry and washed several (AKA too many) dishes by hand. <<< Seriously one of my least favorite chores.
    • Found my new go-to morning yoga stretch. For less than 10 minutes of stretching, I definitely felt an up in energy level. Great way to start the day! 
    • Completed my first exam of the semester. And have two more this week. How am I 1/4 of the way through my senior year of college!?? 
    • Daily (or even several times a day) walks to and from my new apartment made even better with views of the sunset/moon.


    • Expanded my NPR listening to beyond car rides. I am an old lady for realz.

    • Took myself out for a much needed date to explore the Design District in Dallas on Saturday. Brunch consisted of a Mexican omelet (pico + all the cheese + more salsa). 
    • Successfully took photos (like the one waaaaaay up there) for the photography class I'm taking this semester. 
    • Went grocery shopping and found these bad boys on clearance. What's better than nutbutter? Nutbutter on sale. (Giving myself a well deserved self five for these steals. Heck yes!)

    Questions:
    - How do you like to start your mornings? 
    - What's your favorite brunch food? 
    - Have you gotten any great shopping deals recently? 



    Continue Reading
    Hello Dallas
    Another week down, another Week In Review c/o Meghan! I decided it might be different to list my accomplishments day-by-day. WIR reminds me that I have achieved more than I think I did within 7 days. Maybe somedays will be more "productive" than others and that's okay.  




    Monday
    - Managed to get up at 6:30 to transfer my mama from an urgent care facility to a legit hospital after getting only 4 hours of sleep. While we were spending our long weekend in Austin, she suffered from a severe bout of vertigo Sunday morning and was bedridden the entire day. Long story short, luckily, she was able to go home Monday afternoon. She is back to 100% now! 
    - Barely napped on the drive back to keep my aunt company



    Tuesday

    - Survived driving in the pouring rain. If you haven't heard about the weather here recently, it's been puh-retty crazy. My sister & I had to pull over at a gas station to wait it out after I picked up her up from work that afternoon. This week is looking up though--sunshine & 90s--what summer should look like. 
    - Watched the latest Bachelorette episode with my family! Definitely hoping my Texas boys win Jojo's heart. 
    - Sucked it up and made dreading to do and called the firms to decline their internship offers. Disappointing people is one of my biggest fears so this was undoubtedly a challenge for me to do. 
    Wednesday
    - Was driver again for my sister. Yay for better navigation skills and becoming less directionally challenged! 
    - Whipped up my first batch of energy bites. There was an unfortunate lack of cashews in our household so I used a mix of cashews, pecans, & almonds. Why have I never done this before?!! What was I thinking!? They were ridiculously easy. MAGICAL. 
    Thursday
    - Caught up on all the episodes of unREAL; essentially it's a series about the BTS of a series called Everlasting based off of The Bachelor series.... if that makes any sense whatsoever. SHOWCEPTION! 
    - Spent an hour volunteering AKA playing with doggies at an animal shelter! They were so adorable. 



    Friday
    - Made it to my appointment with the dietician only 5 minutes after our scheduled time despite having troubles with parking and my running late. 
    - After intense internal debating, some random number generating, a bajillion phone calls and being on the verge of tears, I finally made up my mind on which company to intern with in the Spring.
    - Though it may not look like it, I did finally get my hair cut. Kinda annoyed with the length: still longer than I wanted it to be even if I asked for 2 inches off. Blergh. 😕
    Saturday
    - A couple of weeks ago I received the OK to start exercising again (WOO!). I attended a free yoga class held on each first Saturday of the month. Sadly, they were forced to move it indoors cuz of the rain but it was fulfilling nonetheless. The instructor ended our session with a quote that I needed to hear and felt all y'all out there do too:


    “If your compassion does not include yourself it is incomplete.”
    - Following ^^^, I took myself out on a late breakfast date. Sat at Modern Market and enjoyed their rocket & egg sandwich with basil aioli while finishing up The Crown. An easy read, a cross between The Bachelor and YA distopian novels. Frustratingly, she didn't pick the guy I was rooting for! Side note: Whoa, my week was Bachelor filled! 



    - Spent some of the afternoon listening to another Ladies Who Lunch podcast while simultaneously coloring. Obviously, this was a very self-love filled day! 
    - Got a headstart on my online summer class (that officially begins today) by reading the first chapter of the required text. Yup, I'm definitely a shameless nerd. Since it's only a month long course, I know it's going to breeze by and the work would start to pile up. 
    - Had a much needed semi-spontaneous phone call with my friend. Two hour conversations like this slightly alleviates the 8,301 mile distance between us. 

    Sunday
    - Last week I attended a German cooking class where we made pretzels and braised red cabbage. Recreated it for lunch to serve alongside bratwurst. I am the queen of pretzel shaping!
    - Unloaded the dishwasher, surprisingly one the chores I actually don't mind doing. 
    - Went on a family run for Braum's ice cream. I chose a scoop of the homestyle strawberry with no regrets! A perfect end to the week. 🍦

    Questions:
    How did you treat yourself to some self-love this week?
    Have you tried German food before? 
    What's your favorite chore to do?
    Continue Reading

    Good m☀️rning sunshines! I'm joining Julia for her weekly linkup before a busy start to the week. First off I have back-to-back appointments with my dietician and therapist then I'll head downtown for my second to last office visit. Crazycrazycrazy!

    Let's pretend Dallas looks this lovely right now



    Stole this idea from Foodiecology who originally got it from Lean, Clean & Brie. When I came across the post 2 months ago to the day, I thought it would be fun to create and share my own version. I decided to expand the list to encompass what has defined my recovery and ultimately helped me get to where I am today. I definitely can't and don't claim to be fully recovered (if such a thing exists) but I am getting there.  

    **Disclaimer: Just wanted to note that these are my own tactics and based own my own experiences. As reiterated several times, recovery is extremely personal! It comes in all shapes and sizes so I honestly encourage you to find what works for you (or what doesn't). 

    Without further ado, I present the ABCs of my recovery: 

    A - Acceptance. The first step to anything really. 
    B - Balance not only for the tangible composition of meals but also for finding balance between studying & relaxing, among the mental, emotional, physical and spiritual healths in my life. Recovery for me isn't necessarily just from my eating disorder but being in general better place wholistically. 

    Source

    C - Community. There are too many names I could name but the online blogging world has allowed me to read others' journeys and feel less alone as I go through this. I have learned so so much more than I could have imagined from amazing, inspiring people. 
    D - Diet. Or the lack thereof. According to Google, here is what diet (the noun) means: 

    i. the kinds of food that a person, animal, or community habitually eats. 
    ii. a special course of food to which one restricts oneself, either to lose weight or for medical reasons.

    Why do we always think of it as the latter and not the former? I'm trying to remove the word but it's so ubiquitous why not just change the definition of the word instead. 

    E - Emotions. All the feels. Many use their eating disorders to avoid feeling negative emotions; however, doing so also suppresses feelings one may want to feel like happiness. Though it has been an emotional rollercoaster, it is liberating to feel my feelings even if this means random bouts of tears. 
    F - FATS! Experimenting with and incorporating avocado, nuts, nut butters, oils into my "diet." Butter is still a fear food that I'm trying to challenge. Progress not perfection.


    G - Growth. If I know anything for sure, it's that I am not the same person I was a year ago when I formally began my recovery. I have grown immensely. I've gained weight, gained awareness, friends among other things.
    H - Hear. This one has a couple of meanings: a) Podcasts are awesome! b) Listen to what others have to say and take it to heart.  
    I - Intake. For my weight restoration, my treatment team has prioritized upping my intake. I would underestimate serving sizes and would therefore restrict how much I was eating. I thought I had balance but in retrospect it was skewed. 
    J - Journalling. Write words, write something, write anything. What matters is that I write without criticizing myself. Allow the thoughts to freely flutter onto pages.
    K - Kaylee. Losing and discovering myself again. It's great to be able to focus on what I truly want to do, want to eat, want to want. 
    Source
    L - Letting go -- of exercise, of pressure, of expectations, of control, of judgment, of perfectionism, of who I thought I was. 
    M - Me time! Since I've talked about self-love so often, I think this one is self-explanatory.  


    N - Nourish. Another double meaning for me: a) the physical and mental nourishment from food and stimulating activities and b) the weekly ED support meetings at my campus' general recovery center of this name 
    O - Optimism. Look at the glass half full. It's really been about keep perspective throughout all of this. Attitudes, both good and bad, drastically change things. 


    P - Protein particularly in the form of bars, powders, and shakes. In the beginning, I was completely against even the thought of having these. I detested it! Now, a year later, I crave protein bars and love baking (and shaking) with protein powder. 
    Q - Quiet. Being content even when things are at a lull. Appreciating the discomfort of silence at times and sitting with my thoughts. 
    R - Recovery Record App. I have various things to spur my recovery; I've tried maintaining a Diary Card. I was Meal Plan Exchange Worksheets. For a bit I was doing both simultaneously! It was honestly exhausting. The most beneficial so far has been this app. I track my meals without necessarily counting calories, write down my emotions and thoughts, and can link up with my treatment team. It is a process of trying new things and being alright with dropping those that don't benefit you. I know things will evidently change and right now this is what helps. 


    S - Starches. In a strange way, eliminating the word carbohydrates from my vocabulary and thinking of bread, rice, pasta, etc. as starches instead has helped me. 
    T - Trust in myself, in others, in the process, in a higher power. Allowing my body to crave what it wants and listening to said cravings. Believing that things will work out, that this phase is temporary. 
    U - Understanding. Having said H, understand some comments aren't necessarily directed towards you though you may feel otherwise. Understand that your family and friends want the best for you but may not know the best way to help. Understand everything happens for a reason and this battle only makes you stronger in the long run.  
    V - Vulnerability. (Brene Brown, ftw.) I previously viewed being raw as weakness. So it was and most definitely still is difficult for me to be vulnerable. Opening myself up to others as terrifying as that may be in the moment is the foundation of connection, which is what I like all humans craved. Vulnerability is necessary for feeling fulfilled. 
    W - Wellness. I now have a better outlook on what it means to be healthy in terms of overall wellness. I used to be hyperfocused on "healthy." In my pursuit of ultimate physical health, I wasn't destroying only my body but also my mind. I have learned it's better to reverse the order of approach: improve the mental aspect and the physical will follow. 
    X - X-amine (I tried... X is hard. 😩 ) I had to rethink what I thought I knew. Sometimes analyzing heavily causes me to doubt and get down on myself. I have improved at catching myself and reevaluating my headspace before anything else. There is also a loooooot of reflection time to think about who I was, who I am and who I want to be. 
    Y - You do you. As Theodore Roosevelt said so aptly, "Comparison is the thief of joy." Recognizing that my wants/needs are not your wants/needs are not her wants/needs are not his wants/needs and so on and so forth. I choose to embrace my body's uniqueness!
    Z - Zits. My face has been out of whack recently! As silly as this sounds, I am grateful as a sign that my hormonal levels are getting back to normal, or at least that's what I'm telling myself. 😉



    Questions:
    What has helped you through your recovery?
    Do you have any plans for this lovely Monday? 


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    Kaylee G.

    Twenty-something year old Filipino American on her way to redefining her relationship with health and finding herself.

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