You've Got Kayl: slide

Coming off a pretty fulfilling and overall productive weekend in all aspects of my life. Friday we had an interning event volunteering with Junior Achievement, which meant a full day (7:30-2:00 😭) of teaching 3rd graders. This experience made me realize how tough teachers' jobs are and grateful for my teachers in my own life. PSA, go thank your teachers!!! Later that evening, some friends and I went out for dinner to celebrate the end of their internships (I have one week to go still!). I opted for the tofu and mushroom lettuce wraps + a huge glass of wine

A family friend from the Philippines who's currently studying at Duke came into town so it was family time for remainder of the weekend. Saturday morning was spent getting in some reading for my classes before venturing out for a late lunch in Fort Worth and a visit to the Kimbell art museum.

With Daylight Savings Time on Sunday, we had a late breakfast that morning: gruyere popovers, roasted broccoli and strawberries for me! The loss of an hour followed me throughout the day; I felt exhausted. It didn't help that we spent the entire afternoon shopping though I did not end up buying anything (yay for a good type of self control!). Capped off the night relaxing back at my apartment.

Over the weekend, I also caught up on blog reading including Alison's post from last week that she got from Tina of Carrots N Cake. It filled me with such nostalgia of answering these surveys on Facebook in my early high school days that I wanted to steal it too!

Have a happy Monday!

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1. Who are you named after? I don't think anyone in particular though I was going to be named Kayla at first but my second cousin who was born 9 months ahead of me was named that and my parents settled on Kaylee

2. Last time you cried? Last week at a therapy session. The usual...

3. Do you like your handwriting? I've grown to like it

4. What is your favorite lunch meat? Turkey 🍗

5. Do you still have your tonsils? Yup, yup!

6. Would you bungee jump? Probably

7. What is your favorite kind of cereal? Not a big cereal person but I'm a sucker for cornflakes eaten dry aka sans milk

8. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Almost never

9. Do you think you’re strong? If we're being honest, right at this moment, not really.

10. Favorite ice cream? Birthday cake or a good vanilla based one with nuts (e.g. butter pecan, maple walnut, almond brittle)

11. What is the first thing you notice about a person? Their eyes, I think. Or what they're looking at??? Now I really want to pay more attention to this...

12. Football or baseball? If it was a life or death scenario and I had to answer one, baseball just because I understand it more

13. What color pants are you wearing? None 😉 I'm wearing pajama shorts

14. Last thing you ate? Eating homemade naan with hummus, feta, carrots and pickled onions for dinner as we speak

15. What are you listening to? The spinning of the washing machine and dryer. Sunday = laundry day!

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16. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? After consulting this list of Crayola colors and with the advice my best friend and sister, I would be the pink sherbet crayon.

17. Favorite smell? No judgment but I've always enjoyed the smell of permanent markers. Or I guess on a more traditional level, cinnamon

18. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? My sister to find out where she was in Target

19. Married? No

20. Hair color? I say brown though some may call it black

21. Eye color? Suuuuper dark brown

22. Favorite food to eat? Don't make me choose!

23. Scary movies or happy endings? Happy happy happy! Horror and I don't go together

24. Last movie you watched? After a mini-Disney sing-along session over the weekend, I craved a good Disney movie. I know it's not quite Disney but I found out Anastasia was on Netflix and I just had to!!

25. What color shirt are you wearing? Purple and gray striped tank top

26. Favorite Holiday? Christmas! Always Christmas

27. Beer or Wine? Wine but has to be red

28. Night owl or morning person? Reluctant morning person.

29. Favorite day of the week? Hmmm, I'm gonna go with Saturday.

Questions:

Cereal with or without milk?

Did you have a favorite coloring material growing up: crayons, colored pencils, markers,etc?

What's your go-to Disney movie?

Answer one or more of these questions! I would love to learn more about you too.

Good m☀️rning sunshines! I'm joining Julia for her weekly linkup before a busy start to the week. First off I have back-to-back appointments with my dietician and therapist then I'll head downtown for my second to last office visit. Crazycrazycrazy!

Let's pretend Dallas looks this lovely right now

Stole this idea from Foodiecology who originally got it from Lean, Clean & Brie. When I came across the post 2 months ago to the day, I thought it would be fun to create and share my own version. I decided to expand the list to encompass what has defined my recovery and ultimately helped me get to where I am today. I definitely can't and don't claim to be fully recovered (if such a thing exists) but I am getting there.

**Disclaimer: Just wanted to note that these are my own tactics and based own my own experiences. As reiterated several times, recovery is extremely personal! It comes in all shapes and sizes so I honestly encourage you to find what works for you (or what doesn't).

Without further ado, I present the ABCs of my recovery:

A - Acceptance. The first step to anything really.
B - Balance not only for the tangible composition of meals but also for finding balance between studying & relaxing, among the mental, emotional, physical and spiritual healths in my life. Recovery for me isn't necessarily just from my eating disorder but being in general better place wholistically.

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C - Community. There are too many names I could name but the online blogging world has allowed me to read others' journeys and feel less alone as I go through this. I have learned so so much more than I could have imagined from amazing, inspiring people.
D - Diet. Or the lack thereof. According to Google, here is what diet (the noun) means:

i. the kinds of food that a person, animal, or community habitually eats.

ii. a special course of food to which one restricts oneself, either to lose weight or for medical reasons.

Why do we always think of it as the latter and not the former? I'm trying to remove the word but it's so ubiquitous why not just change the definition of the word instead.

E - Emotions. All the feels. Many use their eating disorders to avoid feeling negative emotions; however, doing so also suppresses feelings one may want to feel like happiness. Though it has been an emotional rollercoaster, it is liberating to feel my feelings even if this means random bouts of tears.
F - FATS! Experimenting with and incorporating avocado, nuts, nut butters, oils into my "diet." Butter is still a fear food that I'm trying to challenge. Progress not perfection.

G - Growth. If I know anything for sure, it's that I am not the same person I was a year ago when I formally began my recovery. I have grown immensely. I've gained weight, gained awareness, friends among other things.
H - Hear. This one has a couple of meanings: a) Podcasts are awesome! b) Listen to what others have to say and take it to heart.
I - Intake. For my weight restoration, my treatment team has prioritized upping my intake. I would underestimate serving sizes and would therefore restrict how much I was eating. I thought I had balance but in retrospect it was skewed.
J - Journalling. Write words, write something, write anything. What matters is that I write without criticizing myself. Allow the thoughts to freely flutter onto pages.
K - Kaylee. Losing and discovering myself again. It's great to be able to focus on what I truly want to do, want to eat, want to want.

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L - Letting go -- of exercise, of pressure, of expectations, of control, of judgment, of perfectionism, of who I thought I was.
M - Me time! Since I've talked about self-love so often, I think this one is self-explanatory.

N - Nourish. Another double meaning for me: a) the physical and mental nourishment from food and stimulating activities and b) the weekly ED support meetings at my campus' general recovery center of this name
O - Optimism. Look at the glass half full. It's really been about keep perspective throughout all of this. Attitudes, both good and bad, drastically change things.

P - Protein particularly in the form of bars, powders, and shakes. In the beginning, I was completely against even the thought of having these. I detested it! Now, a year later, I crave protein bars and love baking (and shaking) with protein powder.
Q - Quiet. Being content even when things are at a lull. Appreciating the discomfort of silence at times and sitting with my thoughts.
R - Recovery Record App. I have various things to spur my recovery; I've tried maintaining a Diary Card. I was Meal Plan Exchange Worksheets. For a bit I was doing both simultaneously! It was honestly exhausting. The most beneficial so far has been this app. I track my meals without necessarily counting calories, write down my emotions and thoughts, and can link up with my treatment team. It is a process of trying new things and being alright with dropping those that don't benefit you. I know things will evidently change and right now this is what helps.

S - Starches. In a strange way, eliminating the word carbohydrates from my vocabulary and thinking of bread, rice, pasta, etc. as starches instead has helped me.
T - Trust in myself, in others, in the process, in a higher power. Allowing my body to crave what it wants and listening to said cravings. Believing that things will work out, that this phase is temporary.
U - Understanding. Having said H, understand some comments aren't necessarily directed towards you though you may feel otherwise. Understand that your family and friends want the best for you but may not know the best way to help. Understand everything happens for a reason and this battle only makes you stronger in the long run.
V - Vulnerability. (Brene Brown, ftw.) I previously viewed being raw as weakness. So it was and most definitely still is difficult for me to be vulnerable. Opening myself up to others as terrifying as that may be in the moment is the foundation of connection, which is what I like all humans craved. Vulnerability is necessary for feeling fulfilled.
W - Wellness. I now have a better outlook on what it means to be healthy in terms of overall wellness. I used to be hyperfocused on "healthy." In my pursuit of ultimate physical health, I wasn't destroying only my body but also my mind. I have learned it's better to reverse the order of approach: improve the mental aspect and the physical will follow.
X - X-amine (I tried... X is hard. 😩 ) I had to rethink what I thought I knew. Sometimes analyzing heavily causes me to doubt and get down on myself. I have improved at catching myself and reevaluating my headspace before anything else. There is also a loooooot of reflection time to think about who I was, who I am and who I want to be.
Y - You do you. As Theodore Roosevelt said so aptly, "Comparison is the thief of joy." Recognizing that my wants/needs are not your wants/needs are not her wants/needs are not his wants/needs and so on and so forth. I choose to embrace my body's uniqueness!
Z - Zits. My face has been out of whack recently! As silly as this sounds, I am grateful as a sign that my hormonal levels are getting back to normal, or at least that's what I'm telling myself. 😉

Questions:
What has helped you through your recovery?
Do you have any plans for this lovely Monday?

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