It's been at least a solid ten days have passed since I last posted. If you ask me how I've been, I will say "contemplative." That's the best way to describe this ever-thinking state of mind, whatever the hell the world actually means. Quite truthfully, this is both a good and bad thing. One the one hand, I'm really starting to explore the emotional side of recovery more. What are my food thoughts actually trying to cover up? What am I afraid of? What is holding me back from taking the next step in recovery? But alongside this, I really have to sit with my thoughts, causing my moods to go out of whack (shout out to those who put up with my mood swings this week srsly #muchlove).

1. Another Buzzfeed Throwback for all you 00s kids like me out there! There's no better way to start the day than with some tunes from That's so Raven, Hannah Montana, Suite Life, etc. Don't deny that you don't know all the words to the Funky Hat song too!

2. Max Ehrman's poem, Desiderata = my new guide to life and favorite poem

You are a child of the universe,

no less than the trees and the stars;

you have a right to be here.

3. A little weekly dose of mindfulness for y'all. I am a victim of this busyness mentality. I have to constantly remind myself that busyness is a choice. I have the power to slow things down. Time is not as limited as it seems, or rather the things I view as urgent are not as significant in the grand scheme of life. Catch yourself when you are speeding up and fill your plate with more fulfilling things that you don't feel like you have to speed through.

4. This describes me all too well. The NYT article explains the extreme opposite of procrastination is pre-crastination, this crazy need to get things done right away, to check a box of a never-ending to-do list. Why has procrastination taken on such a bad reputation in today's society when in reality, a little procrastinating can actually spur creativity? Time for some self-discipline in the other direction...

5. Recovery Warriors' Podcasts have been the soundtrack to my lunch breaks on campus. Especially loved the one with Birdie McNeil where she talked about her take on wellness and health. Note to self: Don't strive for health at the cost of your wellness.

P.S. I'm really starting to dig whole this podcast thing. Please let me know below if you've got any good ones to share!!

Questions:
What songs do you remember from your childhood TV shows?
What's your favorite poem? 
Anyone else a pre-crastinator like I am?

I know, I know... another pancake recipe. But you can't deny that carbsliciousness. Yup, I've decided that that should definitely be a word. Oh, ricotta--my love, my life, my everything. Seriously though, ricotta, much like it's cottage relative, is an underrated cheese. My cousin gifted me with a cheese (ricotta/paneer) making kit for Christmas (s/o to him here!!!). It's a relatively simple process honestly. Add, mix & boil all the ingredients, let sit, drain and ta-da! I let it drain for quite some time so it came out less watery than the store-bought kind, which I didn't mind a single bit!

My family made cannellonis one night with most of this batch so I used the leftover cheese to make The Vintage Mixer's recipe sans the lemon curd. Ate them with scoops of blueberries & pomegranate seeds. The only thing these babies needed were poppy seeds for the classic pair! Look at my artsy fartsy presentation skills!!! The result of watching too many Food Network shows in general & binge-watching Season 1 of The Mind of a Chef over break.



I have my weekly dietician + counseling appointments tomorrow morning. After back-to-back sessions last week, I felt emotionally drained. Morning tears just haunt you the entire day. Luckily, I can blame my puffy eyes and red cheeks on allergies. Hehe. I'm feeling more anxious than I normally do; I am already dreading those feelings of exhaustion again. Guh. Don't know what to expect anymore. Where am I supposed to go now? I am failing in recovery and it's consuming me. Think of happy thoughts, Kaylee, happy thoughts--blue skies & sunshine-y lemons. 

1. Life is short and you are old
2. So live it and treat yourself well

Only the first days back and I'm already exhausted. I'm on autopilot again and it sucks. Thank god for long weekends though. I finally (after 5 semesters of college) have no Friday classes so I'm in Austin already after taking the bus yesterday afternoon. Nothing too exciting going on this weekend aside my cousin's house-hunting. Ack, you know you're an adult when your conversations are about jobs, houses and marriages. At least I can break out my inner HGTV-nerd!



1. Nobody wants to say they're a quitter but there are just some things you have to quit. Personally, the biggest point I have to work on from this list was comparison. It's hard for me to remember that people are different! Bodies are different! Minds are different! Souls are different! We each have our own struggles; no one person follows the same path. It's like comparing apples to cheese--both completely different, yet equally wonderful. I am only losing in life if I think it's a competition. Instead, I need to look at people with an open heart. Relish in the fact that only I am seeing through my eyes. It's a humbling to know that you are 1 of over 7 billion fleeting human beings.
2. I consider myself a well-seasoned traveler. As a Filipino, however, I'm a terrible packer. My mom can work magic and fit a gajillion things into one box. It's craaazy. Typically, I use a strange combination of folding + rolling + stuffing but even that fails. I saw this cute, quick video on the timeless rolling vs folding  debate that hopefully helps me in the future. The more you know...

3. If you've been too down on yourself this past week, take a look at this list to fight those nagging self-hate thoughts. Don't forget to treat yourself with compassion too, okay?

4. As much as we can blame society for our social media addictions, we are at fault too. We've abused the Internet to the point of anxiety. If I'm not wasting time on my computer, I'm wasting time on my phone. Mindless scrolling and skimming, comparing myself to the "better" lives of others... Seriously, why do we do this to ourselves? I've contemplated deleting my Facebook and Twitter accounts but always come up with a good excuse to avoid it. Maybe 2016 will finally be the year I take charge of my life and do so.

5. In Memory of Alan Rickman - Every Snape Scene from the HP Movies -- I woke up on Thursday morning crushed to hear the news of Alan Rickman's death. I knew him as Professor Severus Snape on Harry Potter. Though this was just one of many characters he played, Alan Rickman embodied Snape for me. He helped make the movies worthy of the books. Honestly, it frightening when celebrities you grew up with start passing away. This just serves as another reminder as to how fast life is. Chills, always. 

Questions:
Where do you stand on the packing debate?
Are there any habits your want to quit?
What makes you feel old or like life if flying by?